Under Pressure
by UpsideDownPB
Summary: It's the terror of knowing what this world is about, watching some good friends screaming, let me out! CM, RR, please read and review. Chapter 11 up already!
1. Pressure Splits A Family In Two

** Under Pressure **

  
_Summary: It's the terror of knowing what this world is about, watching some good friends screaming, let me out! C/M, R/R. please read and review. _

** A/N: The ages of Ross and Chandler in this fic are 17, and Rachel and Monica are 15. Just for the purposes of this fic. Sorry if it's not correct. This fic is based on the song "Under Pressure" by Queen. I don't own this song, nor do I own the characters in this fanfiction. (I WILL finish "If we Should Meet Again" soon, I promise.) Oh, and this fic is quite AU, in the sense that the timelines are different and different things happen. Lilian xXx**

** Chapter One: Pressure... Splits a Family in Two**

The darkness had crept up on the small girl, sitting quietly in the park swinging gently back and forth, and she hadn't realised until it was too late that she had missed her curfew by at least an hour, if not more. Her parents would be angry. Her brother would jeer at her. She would cry quietly in her room, and not resort to food-remembering what happened last time she had eaten for comfort. In fact, she would probably starve herself, and wish time and time again that she had never been born.

Why wasn't there someone out there who was worse off than her? Why couldn't someone comfort her with words like "I know how you feel" and mean it? How she longed for someone to actually understand the pain she was going through... no one could though. At that moment, Monica Geller felt like the unluckiest person in the world.

But fate has a funny way of dealing the cards. There is always someone worse off than you, and although Monica struggled to remember these words of wisdom, when she did, she was filled with relief. Just because she couldn't find someone whose life was worse than hers, didn't mean there _wasn't_ someone out there, wishing they were dead... just like she did.

Sighing, she dragged her weak body off of the swing and glanced at her watch, knowing there would be hell to pay when she returned.

---------

Tension. He didn't like tension. He'd never felt it this bad before. Sure, there'd been times when his parents had argued, but hey, who didn't argue these days? Pushing his turkey around his plate, he looked up to see his father, smiling at him, and his mother, looking like she wanted to kill someone. But both of them were staring at Chandler, both had fake smiles on their faces... and he knew something was wrong.

"Honey, finish your turkey," his mother said soothingly. "Your father and I need to talk to you."

Chandler scowled. "Don't wanna," he said sulkily, feeling like a moody pre-teen when he was already 17, and practically an adult. He wanted to know what was going on, and now, instead of after he had finished eating the cooked bird. "Tell me now. What's wrong?"

Nora looked at Chandler, and smiled a rather genuine, sad, smile. "Honey... your father and I, we've been going through a rough patch." Chandler glanced quickly at Charles, his father, whose face was bowed down, not wanting to look at his son.

"So? A lot of people have a hard time in relationships. You'll figure it out," Chandler said hopefully.

Charles went a little red, and Nora coughed, trying not to laugh at Chandler. How could they work out their problems? It couldn't happen.

"Chandler... dear, things are a lot more complex than that. This isn't some little argument. In fact... it's not even an argument. We just want.. different things." Well, she thought to herself, it would make more sense to say that they both wanted the same thing. Wanting different things would have been no problem.

Charles felt he had to be honest with his son. "Chandler, I'm gay," he admitted, watching his son's face go from pink to white to red... to colourless.

Chandler stared at his father. Time stood still. Gay? How could his father be gay? It wasn't possible. He loved Nora. Nora was a woman. Chandler voiced his confusion, and Charles looked worried.

"Chandler, things change," he said, trying to explain. "I still love you and your mother very much. I'm just not comfortable here. You wouldn't want me to be somewhere I don't want to be, would you?"

"So.. you don't want to be with me?" Chandler asked quietly. Charles hesitated, knowing that Chandler made a valid point. He loved his son to bits, but he just couldn't stay with Nora much longer. It was driving him crazy.

Chandler stood up, his napkin still tucked into his shirt. "I'm gonna... just, go," he said, as he left the room. After a second, he popped his head round the door, a sad, destroyed look on his face. He looked straight into his fathers eyes before muttering "Thanks dad. This was a great Thanksgiving."

-------

"WHERE have you been?" bellowed Jack, as Monica shut the front door quietly behind her. "We started dinner without you. You were supposed to be home FIVE HOURS AGO!"

Thanksgiving. In all her distress Monica had completely forgotten her favourite holiday of the year, such was the extent of her unhappiness. She looked up at her father, tears in her eyes, but he couldn't see the pain she'd been through over the past year. No one could understand. No one knew.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking back down at her feet, but her father would not let her get away with just an apology.

"Save it," he spat. "You've ruined and interrupted our dinner now. Just go to your room... I want to finish OUR Thanksgiving in peace."

"Thanksgiving is a time of forgiveness..." Monica said weakly, but Jack turned back round quickly, snarling.

"It is a time for thankfulness. So you be thankful that I haven't hit you so hard you want to cry some more, young lady," he yelled, as Monica shrank back. Jack had never hit her before-him and Judy did not believe in corporal punishment, and he would never have hit her now, especially as she was 15. But the threat was there, and Monica was terrified. She ran upstairs, as Jack watched her, and his heart sank as he wondered if he'd done the right thing. Monica used to be a wonderfully sweet and funny girl... but over the past year she'd changed dramatically. They'd tried to help her, but she wouldn't let anyone into her sad little world, and Jack was becoming annoyed and frustrated. He'd practically given up on her. But she was still his little Harmonica, and he loved her. He just wanted to know what was going on.

When Monica reached her room, she buried her face in the pillow and wept and wept, tears flowing from her eyes and soaking her bed. Why wouldn't people just leave her alone? Why couldn't people try to understand, if they wanted to invade her privacy so much? Why wouldn't someone hug her, and tell her everything was going to be ok, instead of shouting at her? Crying, sniffing and thinking, Monica fell into a deep sleep, still fully-clothed and her dirty shoes staining the bedspread.

------

"Chandler?"

He grunted in reply, and his mom entered his bedroom, walking slowly towards him. "Chandler... I'm sorry."

"How can he be gay?" Chandler asked, distressed. Nora sighed, and put her arm round her only son.

"Don't you think I ask myself that, every single day? Am I the one who turned him homosexual? Did I push him over the edge? Was I that bad a wife to him?"

Chandler hated himself for a moment, and hugged his mom. "Of course you weren't, mom," he said. "You're a great person. You couldn't make any man gay. Perhaps you could make a gay man heterosexual."

Nora laughed, and stroked Chandler's cheek. "You're sweet, Chandler," she said, acting as if he was barely ten. "I don't want you to hate your father though. He felt... under pressure. He couldn't stand to be with us. This isn't the right life for him. And I know he loves you very much."

Chandler shrugged. "I still hate him. He's cheated on you, hasn't he?"

"Oh no," Nora said hastily. "He's promised me he hasn't, and I believe him, Chandler. We have to respect his wishes, his feelings. You wouldn't have wanted him to stay here if he felt under pressure from different people to come out of the closet. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be a life. We have to help him, Chandler."

"Maybe you do, but I don't," Chandler said crossly, and turned away, feeling his world fall down around him. His perfect house. Perfect parents. Perfect life. He just knew that now it would all be ruined.

------

There are others out there who are unhappy, Monica told herself, staring out of the window. Maybe they don't have the same reasons as me, but they need comfort, just as I do. And one day, I'm going to find someone who needs me to listen to them, and who wants to listen to others. 

Comforting herself with this promise, she went back to her bed, cursing as she saw the stains her muddy shoes had left on the cover. Her mom would have a fit when she saw it in the morning.

_Under pressure, that burns a building down_

Splits a family in two, puts people on streets

-------

_ Hey! End of first chapter/introduction thing. I promise this will lead to C/M, but I just want to know what you think, and if I should continue or not. Please give your opinions. And my other fic shall be finished soon. Lilian xXx_


	2. It Never Rains But It Pours

**Chapter Two: It Never Rains But It Pours**

_ Thanks for the reviews, they made me decide to continue. And, in response to Exintaris' review-you find out what is wrong with Monica during the fic. I'm sorry, I should have made this clearer. Rachel and Monica are _friends_ but not as good friends as they are made out to be in the series. I hope this clears things up a bit. Please keep reading and reviewing! Lilian xXx_

Monica wasn't sure what was happening. When she went down to breakfast that day, everyone was nice to her, in an awkward way. As if she was dying, and they were trying to make her last days special. For a minute she panicked, wondering if they knew something that she didn't, but then consoled herself with the fact that she hadn't been to the doctors, or a hospital, in years. How would anyone know what was wrong with her? Her problems were psychological, not physical.

Even Ross was going out of his way to be kind to his sister, offering to get her some cereal. Shaking with shock, she nodded her head slightly, as he poured out the cornflakes and set them down in front of her, passing her some sugar too.

"What's going on?" she asked finally, a spoonful of soggy cereal in her mouth.

"Monica, don't speak with your mouth full," Judy said, but even that didn't seem angry, more a statement or a piece of advice.

She swallowed before repeating her question. "Why's everyone being so nice to me as well? What have I done?"

"Sweetie, we're always "nice" to you," Judy said, smiling at her daughter, but she frowned at Jack, and muttered "Tell her."

"Tell me what?" Monica looked to her father. "Dad! Tell me what?"

Jack looked helpless, but Judy nodded at him and he coughed before smiling sweetly at his daughter. "Honey... we're a little worried about you. You seem so sad lately, so angry all the time, and so quiet. Not our little Harmonica that we know and love."

Monica cringed. Little Harmonica. It reminded her of when she had been a little girl, so happy, so friendly. Those days were gone now.

"So, we think it might help if you go and talk to someone else about your problems. Someone who you don't know as well as us. It often helps to discuss things with someone else."

Monica looked up sharply. "What kind of someone else?" she asked suspiciously.

Jack looked at Judy, and she turned a sad, worried face to Monica. "A psychologist, honey."

---------

"Who are you phoning?"

Rachel looked up quickly to see her mother, who had appeared in the hallway. She didn't look pleased. "You've just been on the phone to Tom for over an hour. Would YOU like to pay the bills?"

"Mom," Rachel pleaded. "I just need to give Monica a quick ring. Please!"

Mrs Green didn't look very happy, but shrugged and left her daughter to ring her friend. Rachel frowned as she tried to remember Monica's number, and decided to look it up in the phone book.

When she had finally found the number and dialled it, it rang for ages, before a young man answered the phone. "Hello?" he said weakly.

"Ross? It's Rachel... Rachel Green. Is Monica there?"

There was a pause, before Ross said "Monica's... busy right now."

"Please Ross! It's urgent! You have to let me talk to her!" Rachel felt like crying. The one time she really needed someone to talk to, someone to cry to, no-one seemed to be there.

"I'm sorry Rachel," Ross said. "She's kinda distressed herself. I don't think she'll be much help." He rang off, and Rachel stared at the phone, tears beginning to form in her eyes. She replaced the receiver, only for it to ring straight away. Thinking it might be Monica, she answered and said "Hey!"

"Rachel... if you need to talk about anything, I'm here, ok?" she heard Ross say. "I know we don't know each other very well, but, well, I'm a good listener."

Rachel was quite taken aback. She stammered a thank you, and replaced the phone, staring at the wall opposite her in shock. Had Ross just offered to be of some help? Was Ross being... nice to her?

Tears started to fall. She really needed someone right now. Being a teenager had its downsides. Everyone expected so much of her-being head cheerleader, being one of the prettiest girls in school. Some people expected too much.

------

There was a knock on his door, but he ignored it, preferring to stare out of his bedroom window. Sleeping hadn't helped the situation. If he ignored it, maybe it would go away.

"Chandler? Can I come in?" asked his father. Chandler turned towards the door in shock. He didn't want to be near his dad. He didn't feel comfortable around him. He knew it was wrong but... he just couldn't face him at that moment.

"No," he replied curtly. "Go away."

"I won't go away Chandler," was the response. "We need to talk. I need to put things right with you."

"No you don't," Chandler said, jumping off the bed and pulling on a sweatshirt. He opened his bedroom door and glared at Charles. "Just go back to your gay friends, have gay sex, and leave mom and I to get on with our lives. I'm going out!" he said angrily, pushing past his dad and running down the stairs. He flew past his mother who was walking up them, and ignored the tears in her eyes. He didn't want to be sympathetic. All he cared about at that point was how he felt, not anyone else who was going through hell themselves.

He slammed the front door as he went out and jogged down the steps. Looking back at the house quickly, he saw his mom staring out of her bedroom window. He turned back round and walked down the front path and into the main street. He needed to get away, think on his own, without being cooped up in his room.

The park. A perfect place. Checking there was no traffic around, he sprinted across the road and towards the green fields that lay out in front of him. Here, he could forget anything.

-----

The house seemed deathly quiet to Ross. He had suspected that Monica would run off again. And he let her go. He always did. He never comforted her, never told her everything was going to be alright. She was so lucky, he thought. She had it a lot easier than he did.

No one bullied her. If they did, he would know about it. Their parents didn't "expect" her to do well at school, get A grades in everything, and they didn't look at her sadly when she didn't get the top marks. Maybe they expected her to do well, because of Ross, but they didn't really mind if she didn't succeed. They let her do her own thing, praised her when it was needed, but didn't make her believe she had to get top marks to win their love and affection.

With him, it was different. If for whatever reason he did badly at school, they would be _so_ disappointed in him, his mom would ask what had happened, and his dad would shake his head sadly in disbelief. He felt under pressure to do excellently in school from his parents so much, it was driving him insane.

And then it got worse. AT school he was laughed at, ridiculed, for being a "smart-ass." People thought bullying didn't happen when you got to his age. But it did. And it hurt even more when you knew it wasn't stupid school-kid bullying. These guys had it in for him bad. They hated the fact that all the teachers loved him, and he could get out of anything. If he stupidly forgot his homework one day, the teacher would smile and say something like "Don't worry Ross." But if anyone else forgot their homework... boy, would they get in trouble. Maybe this wasn't fair, but Ross never asked for unfair treatment, yet everyone blamed him. He got yelled at. He got his science awards, projects and books stolen. He got pushed from corners of rooms where it was difficult to tell who did it. And even in his eighteenth year, the word "geek" was still around. And it still hurt.

He only had one real friend. Chandler. But even he, recently, had been pre-occupied. He didn't want to listen to Ross' tales of woe. He had his own problems. And Ross respected that, but now it was worse. When Chandler wasn't around to stick up for him, because he was in the library, or absent, as he often was, the bullying intensified. And Ross let it get to him. Words hurt, sometimes more than physical abuse, and sometimes Ross really believed that his cleverness was dragging him down, losing him friends, and ruining his life. Sometimes Ross really believed that he truly was a "geek."   
-----

She couldn't believe it. A psychologist? At first, she had mistaken it for a psychiatrist and had been appalled. Did they think she was mental?

But then they explained. A psychologist was a totally different thing. He or she was there to just listen, to help, to try to understand, and to make them feel better. There was nothing to be ashamed about. Many people went to psychologists just because they needed to talk to someone who might actually be able to help.

"But I don't want to go!" she whined. "I'm fine! Honest! I don't need any psychological help!"

Jack looked at his daughter sadly. "Honey, you're different now. You're never happy. You need to talk with someone. It's for the best."

Monica was stunned. Part of her was impressed and happy that her parents _did_ care about her-they'd noticed she was unhappy. But part of her was annoyed. How dare they take her life into their own hands? It was none of their business. Let her worry about herself.

She'd left after breakfast to go to her favourite spot-the park. The swings in particular. She seemed to go there every day now. She could swing back and forth, and forget her problems, and concentrate on swinging gently in the breeze.

When she reached the swings the area was empty. Often it was full of children with their parents. She'd smile and nod to everyone, and sometimes even play with the children, who she had grown accoustomed to. The parents loved it when Monica was around-their children loved her too. But they never learnt her name, and always wondered if she was okay. Everyone knew her as the quiet, mysterious girl with long dark hair and a smile that, when it appeared, shone like the sun.

She sat on the now-empty swings, pushing her hair back behind the swing so it didn't get caught in the chain. The swing next to hers creaked slightly in the breeze, and she swung a little, feeling the weak sun shine on her. Sun in November was rare, and Monica loved the coolness when there was also a brightness shining in the sky. Heat did not agree with Monica, but she hated the rain too. She looked up into the sky, frowning at the dark clouds above her that threatened to spoil her day even more. When one thing happened, something ten times worse often happened soon after. It never rains, but it pours. But sometimes the day would brighten again, before night fell. 

As she sat swinging, she felt a shadow over her, but she barely noticed until she heard a voice speak. She jumped, and turned, to see the face of who she presumed was a young man, smiling weakly at her.

"This swing taken?"

_Chipping around, kick my brains round the floor_

These are the days, It never rains but it pours 

-------

_Woo, second chapter done. I brought Rachel into it! Go me! I haven't decided if Phoebe and Joey will make an appearance-I very much doubt it, but we'll see. Please read and review. Lilian xXx._


	3. Let Me Out!

**Chapter Three: Let Me Out!**

_ Woowww... I don't think I've ever had this many reviews on the first two chapters before. Usually I get on average about three reviews per chapter, but now I've already got 14 on the first two! I love you guys. I also wanna quickly say thank you for your great feedback. This is kinda based on something a friend went through, and I want you to know (as I have read these reviews and I take into account what you say) that if you _ ever_ wanna chat about anything, just email me. It's also kinda based on my life too, so I'm not completely useless if you want to talk to me. Seriously. I mean it. I'm not just being... can't think of the word, but basically, yeah, email me. And if you just want to talk about anything, please email me. I don't bite... not anymore... anyway, sorry for the long A/N, I'm just a little worried about some people. Please keep reviewing, o faithful review-people. And tell a friend! Lilian xXx_

"This swing taken?"

Drops of rain had begun to fall, and, feeling the cold suddenly, Monica shivered before shrugging. "No," she said shortly, but, Chandler thought to himself, at least she hadn't bitten his head off.

Both were silent for a few minutes, before Monica threw a quick glance at him. He looked vaguely familiar to her, and she struggled to recollect where she knew him from. Her silent questions were answered as Chandler looked at her, and asked with a warm smile "You're Monica, right? I'm Chandler... Ross's friend."

Monica smiled to herself as she recognised the friendly face she'd seen around the house. Lately though, he'd seemed depressed, but she couldn't ask him why. It wasn't as if he was her friend to ask. Why should she care about her brother's best friend, companion? It was none of her business. This had been impressed on her from an early age, or so it seemed. Nothing was her business, unless it was told to her. Don't ask questions, and you'll be told no lies. It was a common saying around her house, and Monica had grown used to it.

"Hey," she said quietly. "What brings you here? Do you often come here to swing by yourself? I never see you."

Chandler looked away, not wanting to answer, and Monica decided that she had broken a rule, questioning someone she barely knew, about something she didn't need to know about. If Ross ever found out... she would get into major trouble with her parents.

"Sorry," she muttered, kicking a piece of dirt beneath her feet angrily. "It's not my business. I shouldn't have asked."

He turned back round, trying to smile. "No, it's okay," he reassured her. "My parents... they had a fight."

Monica's eyebrows raised alarmingly. "Your parents? Really? Ross is always going on about how wonderful they are, how free and easy with each other, never have a problem..." She died away as she saw Chandler's face fall, remembering, realising.

"Yeah. Maybe that's why it happened," he said gruffly, and stood up. He didn't know why, but suddenly he felt he could tell this girl anything. He barely knew her, yet something inside her made him want to admit everything to her, tell her about it... and something told him that she would willingly listen, and perhaps even open up to him. It was a lot to take in for a first encounter-a proper first encounter, anyway-and Chandler was scared a little.

Similar things were going through Monica's mind. Chandler looked troubled, hurt, scared. He looked like he needed someone. And right now, she wanted to be that someone. She wanted to listen to someone elses problems for a change, instead of worrying about her own. She wanted to comfort another human being, and tell _ them_ that everything was going to be alright. Even if no one would do it for her... she still had the compassion in her heart to want to help another. Maybe he _ would_ listen to her anyway...

It was silly. They barely knew each other. She shook her head in disbelief, and Chandler looked at her, a little confused. She smiled weakly at him before standing up as well. The cold had got to her and she wanted to run about and behave like a child again. All her childhood years seemed to have flown out the window since that day...No. Don't think about it. Forget it, have fun. Enjoy life. WHERE was all this positive energy coming from?

"Hey..." she said, not really sure where to start. "I know this might sound funny, but do you wanna go for a little walk somewhere? I'm kinda cold, and I don't wanna go home just yet," she admitted.

Chandler nodded. Maybe she _ does_ need someone, he thought to himself, and offered her his sweater which she refused, preferring to hug herself and do some form of light exercise instead. "Sure," he said, after his gesture had been politely turned down. "I don't really wanna go home either."

Neither of them spoke as, while the rain continued to pour, both left the playground area and walked towards the trees in the forest behind the park.

-------

"It's raining really heavily now," Judy said anxiously, as she dried the lunch dishes. "She's been out for over three hours. I'm starting to get worried about her."

"She'll be fine," Jack said comfortingly, as he rubbed his wife's arm. "Monica needs time alone. I can only begin to think what she's going through."

Ross grimaced as he listened to his parents worrying about their daughter. Why were they worrying so much about her? She always returned, and she always went to the same place anyway-the park, to sit on the swings. He'd watched her leave once, and he'd followed her, hiding as he went, making sure she never saw him. Maybe he should go and find her now...

"I'm going out," he said to his mom, as he flung down a dishcloth. "I won't be long."

"You too?" she asked, exasperated, but didn't stop him. "If you see your sister, tell her to come back at once. We have more things to discuss."

Ross nodded, barely hearing Judy, as he left the house and wandered slowly towards the park. Stupid Monica, getting their parents worried about her. Why did she have to become mad all of a sudden?

-------

"No, Chip, I can't," Rachel said, feeling herself fall to the floor, clutching the phone against her ear.

He wouldn't leave her alone. Why did he keep pestering her? What did he think she was, some kind of slut, out for what she could get? Why did people always seem to get this impression of her? Maybe it was the way she dressed... the way she did her hair, the way she flirted with anyone.

"Chip!" she said, angrily this time. "Leave me alone! I don't want to! Grr!" she finished, before slamming the phone down, and leaning against the wall as she felt tears come to her eyes. It happened more often these days. She knew she wasn't exaggerating. Everyone seemed to have the wrong idea about her. She was only 15. She hadn't even had a serious boyfriend, and already people wanted to...

"Rachel!"

Her mothers cries stopped her in her tracks, and she hastily wiped away the solitary tear from her eye and called back "Yes mom?"

"Have you done your homework yet?" her mother called.

"No mom, not yet, but I will," she replied, suddenly remembering the maths that had to be done before they returned to school.

"Well go and do it now, dear, we're going out tonight."

"Where?" asked Rachel, not noticing the "dear" that her mother used in the sentence. Pet names were few and far between these days, and sometimes Rachel wondered if her parents still loved her.

"You, me and your father have been invited out to dinner by the Gellers," Mrs Green informed her, coming into the hall. "That nice Italian place a few blocks away. Apparently Monica needs cheering up, so..."

"Are they all going?" Rachel asked, wondering if Ross would be joining them.

"I believe so. Yes, I'm pretty sure Jack's going," she replied, misunderstanding.

"No, mom... I meant Ross," Rachel said quietly.

Her mother looked at her, a smile forming on her face. "Per-leaze, Rachel. Don't tell me you like HIM now? That science geek? With his afro hair and-"

"He doesn't have afro hair anymore, mom," Rachel corrected her. "And no, I don't "like" him now. He's just good to talk to, and he makes me laugh."

Mrs Green shook her head in amazement, but shrugged. "I expect he's going," she said, turning on her heel and walking towards the kitchen. "Remember-homework!" she called back. Rachel groaned. She really wasn't in a maths mood just then.

Sighing quietly to herself, she dragged herself up the stairs and across the hallway to her room. It was a nice room, but that was all. Nice. It was pink, and for the first time Rachel felt almost blinded by the pink-ness. Pretty and pink, her parents would say. Girlie. Happy.

Suddenly, she wished her walls were black, her bedspread darker, her windows covered with dreary curtains, just so she could be different. Just so she wouldn't be the typical high school girl, flirting with everyone, being head-cheerleader. Different.

"I wish I wasn't Rachel Green!" she exclaimed suddenly, and threw herself on the bed, clinging to her pillow. Why did everyone think she was someone she wasn't? All she wanted was friends, a good social life, to be popular. If being popular meant that she would have to give in to what Chip Matthews wanted... then perhaps she didn't want to be popular at all.

Suddenly realising the possible answer to some of her problems, she lay on her back, thinking for a few minutes, before drifting off into a restless sleep, forgetting all about her homework, Monica, Ross, and Chip.

------

The silence was aggravating Chandler. It wasn't so much an awkward silence as a don't-know-what-to-do-or-say silence. They had eventually found a bench and were sitting, watching families walk past them. Happy families, he thought angrily, remembering the little card game he had when he was younger. Mr. Post the Postman. Mrs. Post, the postman's wife. And there were always two children, a boy and a girl. You had to match them up, get everyone in the family, and when you did, they were complete. A happy family.

Yet in his case, it seemed as if his family would be more happy if they were apart. Why were childrens games always based around "family fun?" Family wasn't so fun, he was beginning to realise. Sometimes your family made you want to run and hide away, and forget all about it.

It was Monica who finally broke the silence, by turning to him, smiling, and saying "Hungry?"

Chandler looked at her, and shrugged. "I guess. Don't have any money though, and there's no shops around."

"Doesn't matter," Monica said, reaching for her bag which she had grabbed when she left the house. Somehow, it always seemed to be ready for when she wanted to run away for a few hours. She always prepared it in case such an event happened. That day, she had put biscuits and some crisps in the bag, and she silently offered them to Chandler.

"Wow. You had this all planned out, didn't you?" he asked her, taking a biscuit thankfully, as he was relatively hungry.

"I often run away. Just for a few hours. To clear my head," she said, also taking a biscuit and biting into it absent-mindedly. "So I always come prepared."

Chandler grinned, and Monica was surprised to see how bright his eyes were when he smiled, how they also seemed to smile along with him. But the smile was gone as soon as it appeared, and dullness crept back into his face.

Monica turned away, not really knowing what to say. For so long she had wished that she could meet someone as upset and miserable as her. Now she had, she was lost for words.

"Do you mind me asking," Chandler began, turning back to her, "why you keep running away? Are you... afraid?"

Monica looked startled. "Of what?" she asked, confused.

Chandler went red. "I don't know, exactly," he tried to explain. "Just, I read about kids running away if they're scared their parents are gonna be mad at them, or something, or be violent..." His voice trailed away as he saw Monica's face.

"I'm not a kid!" she said, annoyed. "And my parents aren't violent. They... care about me." Too much, she thought to herself, as she noted the look on Chandler's face.

"Sorry," he muttered, and she offered him another biscuit to show she wasn't mad.

"Yeah, well, maybe that's the problem," she said softly, as he took it. "Maybe they are trying to help me. Maybe they just don't understand what I've been through..."

Chandler looked up. His eyes looked soft, helpful, and worried. For some reason, he felt a wave of sympathy rush through him. This girl was trying to reach out to him. Trying to tell him something, perhaps. Even though they barely knew each other, both of them wanted to help each other. Something inside each of them knew that the other was hurting. He could tell that somewhere inside, a voice was screaming "Let me out! Let me out from this misery, let me out from the wall I've built around me. I need to confide in someone... anyone..."

"Monica..." Chandler said. "I know this sounds.. kinda weird, but, I feel like I could tell you anything."

The look on Monica's face told him she was thinking similar thoughts, and he continued. "And I hope that you feel you could tell me anything too. I mean, we've never really spoken properly... but I want you to know that I-"

What he was going to say, she never found out, for they both heard someone coughing above them. Looking up, Monica went white as she saw Ross staring down at them, a look of shock in his eye.

"So," Ross said, a smile starting to flicker on his face. "Is this why you keep coming here?"

------

_Odd place to leave it, I know. I'm sorry about that. I just thought it might be more interesting. I know that Rachel's problem might seem a little confusing, but it will become more clear in the next chapter. I'm not trying to make Ross out to be some evil older brother. He's just hurt that his parents SEEM to care about Monica more than him. He may be a little old to care about such things, but I think everyone feels sibling rivalry, no matter what age... I know I do sometimes. Anyway, please read and review. Your reviews have been great so far, I love you all. Lilian xXx_


	4. Awkward

**Chapter Four: Awkward**

_ I've given up with using lyrics from the Queen song-there aren't enough, to be honest, but it is still based on the point that I think the song is trying to get across- under pressure, people under pressure, simply. Thank you for all the reviews. Sorry I've left the updating a little late, but I've been very busy recently. Lilian xXx_

"Monica!" Judy exclaimed as her two children came through the front door. "Are you alright sweetie?"

Monica shrugged and dragged herself upstairs. Judy followed her a little way, and then called up "We're having dinner with the Greens at 7. Rachel will be there, so you two will have a lot to talk about."

Monica nodded to herself. Ross had already informed her of the proposed meal out tonight, and she wasn't really looking forward to it. She hadn't seen Rachel for a couple of weeks-when she had been severely depressed. Rachel had got fed up with her being so dismal all the time. She was one of those people who just didn't understand what she was going through. She wished Ross had never found her and Chandler. They were getting on so well, starting to open up to each other... then he came along and ruined it all.

Leaning over the bannister, she heard Ross telling her mom about Chandler. She sighed heavily, before going into her bedroom and slamming the door shut.

--------

Judy passed Ross a dishcloth, and pointed to some dishes. Ross groaned, but then decided to help anyway. Whenever he was helpful, his mom was nice to him. Not that she wasn't anyway, but he always managed to get little favours out of her when he had been helpful.

"Where was she then?" Judy asked in an undertone. Ross grinned to himself. His mom wasn't going to like the answer.

"I looked ...uh... in the park, where she often goes... by the, uh, swings," he said, wiping a china plate. "But she wasn't there, so I wandered round a bit and then I saw her sitting on the bench by the pond... but she was with someone." Ross decided to make it very dramatic. "I wondered who it could be... at first I thought she might have been in trouble of some sort... she was with a man, or so it looked to me."

Ross happily saw his mothers eyes widen, and she sat down at the kitchen table. "Who was it?" she asked.

"Well," he continued, putting down the dish that he had just dried and sitting with her. "I walked over, ready to help her out... I was worried about her, you see... and I found out it was Chandler! Chandler Bing? They were deep in conversation... god knows what about... and I personally think that's where she's been all this time," he finished triumphantly.

His mother's reaction was not one he expected. "Ah. Well. At least she's made a friend," Judy said, standing up and stretching a little.

"No... mom, it was Chandler. He's the one who...."

"...whose parents are getting divorced," Judy said quietly.

Ross looked startled. "Hang on, what?" he said, not quite sure he'd heard right.

Judy nodded. "Nora phoned me this morning and asked if he was here. I said no, and asked why, not because I was being nosy... just to start conversation I suppose. Anyway, when she told me what happened I was as shocked as you appear to be. They were a really lovely couple. She didn't tell me why they are spliting up though," Judy mused. "I wonder if she had an affair... she's a very pretty woman..."

"Mom, get back on track," Ross said hurriedly. "What else happened?"

"Well, when she said that Chandler had left the house that morning, I kind of guessed he might have gone to the park, to be honest," Judy admitted. "It seems to be the place to go. And I thought it might do Monica some good if they both talked. Both of them have problems, Ross. You just don't seem to realise how much your sister needs us right now," she finished. 

"But... you were really worried about where she was," Ross said, confused.

"I know. She'd been out over three hours. Whether Chandler and her were getting on or not, I needed her back home. I... miss her," Judy said, tears starting to fall down her face. "She doesn't tell me anything anymore Ross. I need her to open up to me. Am I really a bad mother? Am I so terrible that she won't tell me what's wrong? I want to help her... I need to help her..." She gulped, more tears falling, and Ross went and hugged his mother. For the first time he began to actually worry about Monica. What was wrong with her? She had always been such a happy, funny child. In the past year, it had all suddenly changed. Much as he hated to admit it, he loved her... and he wanted to help her too.

-------

"Where have you been?" Nora cried, running to hug her soaking wet son. "Chandler, I've been so worried about you... I even rang the Gellars but they didn't know where you were either."

Chandler shrugged. "I was out... the park. I met up with a... friend," he said. It wasn't a lie. In the past few hours he seemed to have met the perfect person-someone who _didn't_ pretend she knew how he felt, someone with her own problems. Someone who perhaps he could help in return.

"A friend?" Nora asked, pulling back a little. "In the park? Chandler... which friend was this? You don't have any friends who live round here... except Ross..."

"Right. It was Ross," Chandler said, trying to escape from his mothers grasp.

Nora looked at him disbelievingly but didn't say anything. She wondered why Judy hadn't told her that Chandler had met with Ross-surely she would have known? She felt hurt that her son would lie to her, but let him go and he climbed the stairs to his bedroom.

"Your dad's moving out tomorrow," she called up the stairs sadly. "Maybe you should spend the last few hours with..."

Chandler's bedroom door slammed resoundingly, cutting out her words. Silently, she turned and walked slowly to the kitchen. Not only had she lost her husband, but she appeared to be losing her son too.

-------

Monica sighed into her salad. The adults were trying to make conversation, but having not seen each other for a few months, it seemed too awkward. She snuck a look at Rachel, who looked as miserable she she felt. Ross, who was sitting opposite her, was picking at some lettuce and did not look amused.

"So Monica, how are you finding school?" Mrs Green asked briskly. "Still top of the class at everything?"

Monica shrugged. Her grades had been slipping recently, but not noticably, and she knew she was top in most subjects. But it wasn't good enough, in her parents eyes. If she hadn't beaten Ross, it wasn't worth it.

"School's okay, thank you," she said monotonously. She didn't offer any more information, and decided she really wanted to talk to Rachel privately. She stood up, looked at Rachel for a few seconds, and announced she was going to the toilets.

Rachel got the hint, and also excused herself. As they both walked towards the room, Rachel whispered in her ear "Thank you. I had to get away."

A small smile appeared on Monica's face, as she thought how boring the dinner was. They went and sat on the sinks in the toilets and looked at each other.

"Look...Mon..."

"Rache... I..."

They both stopped, looked at each other, and laughed. Monica began. "Rachel, I'm sorry for not being chatty, or being around much, these days. I've had... problems."

Rachel looked at her sympathetically. "I know, hun," she said, sounding quite grown up. "I have too. I guess I wanted to talk to you about them... but it doesn't matter."

"No, it does," Monica said earnestly. "I want to help, Rache, if I can."

"Well, I want to help you too," Rachel said, grabbing her friend's hand. "I'm really worried about you Mon."

Monica looked at the floor sadly. "You can't help me Rache. Not now. No one can. Just, please accept that," Monica begged.

Rachel wouldn't. "Is it to do with your brother? Sibling rivalry?" she asked.

Monica laughed. "I wish it was that simple, Rache," she said, shaking her head. "Of course, there is a lot of sibling rivalry, I always think that people think he's better than me. But a lot of siblings believe that about each other. No, my problem... is nothing whatsoever to do with that. Just... look, one day, I'll explain. But not now, Rache."

Rachel shrugged. "I don't want it to be like I'm telling you everything and not helping at all. You need a friend, someone to confide in. And that can be me. I'm a good listener," she informed her friend.

The dark haired girl hesitated. She did want someone to confide in. And Rachel was her friend. Supposedly her best friend, although things had changed over the years.

But then she thought of Chandler. For some reason, she felt happier about confiding in him, although she hadn't yet. She put a smile on her face, and turned to Rachel.

"You know what? It doesn't matter. It's just school stuff. I'm ok, seriously. You can't help cos... I need to talk to a teacher about it."

Rachel breathed a sigh of relief. "Phew, I was worried there," she said, not realising that Monica was an incredible actress.

"So?" Monica asked curiously. "What's your problem?"

"Well, it's not a massive thing, really," Rachel said, hesitating slightly. "It's Chip."

"Ah," Monica said, not surprised. "I thought as much. What's he done?"

"He seems to be under the impression that we're an item. Which we're not. I dated him once, and now he thinks he owns me. He keeps..." Rachel dropped her voice here, and bent her head. "...asking me "private" stuff."

Monica looked shocked. "Just tell him where to go," she said simply. "Tell him to leave you alone. As you said, you've been out with him once. Who does he think he is?"

Rachel went a little red. "Well... the thing is, most of me wants to tell him to go away. But a tiny little part of me is thinking "Hey, I like this. Someone seems to be infatuated with me. Do I really want to tell him to go away?" And that part of me fights so hard with the other part of me...and I can't be too mean to him."

Monica looked confused. She had never even thought of "boys" in that way before. She might have started to, but in the past year she had had enough to think about. She couldn't imagine why Rachel enjoyed being followed, and hassled, by a male. It would irritate her.

"Rachel... you know you feel pressurised by him," she said wisely. "You feel immature maybe, cos he seems so much cooler. He's older than you, he's more experienced than you. That excites you." She didn't know where all this was coming from, yet from Rachel's face she could tell she was right.

"I guess it does," Rachel said, and sighed heavily. " I told you it wasn't a major thing. Your advice was so simple."

Monica shrugged. "I'm good with advice," she said. Rachel nodded, smiling, and kissed her friend on the cheek before leaving her to go and sit back down to dinner. Monica stared at herself in the mirror, and threw some water on her face. Before she knew what was happening, she had started crying. She had had the chance to tell someone what was wrong with her... and she'd thrown it away.

-------

_Sorry that took longer than usual-been very busy! Hope you liked it though. Please read and review. xXx_


	5. Just Be There

**Chapter Five: Just Be There**

_OK, you seem to be wanting to find out what's wrong with Monica, and you want some more Mondler moments? Fine-hope this chapter lives up to all expectations! Warning: some things in this chapter may disturb you, so this chapter is probably drawing closer to an R rating-but I'm not sure. If you're British, it's more of a 15 rating. Please read and review._

"Monica?" Ross called softly as he knocked at his sister's door. He heard a gulp from inside, and a muffled "Go away" as a response.

"Mon, I want to help you," Ross said truthfully, and went to open the door. As if she suspected what he was about to do, she flung open the door and glared angrily at him, her face and eyes red from crying and her lip trembling.

"Ross, PLEASE just leave me alone! You.... oh, you'll never understand," she said, and slammed the door in his face. Ross, feeling hurt, shrugged and went to his room. He didn't want to give up on his sister, but she was making it pretty damn difficult not to.

--------

"Hello?" Jack asked, answering the phone on the third ring. "Who is this?"

Chandler gulped. He'd hoped that Monica would answer the phone. He didn't like the idea of having to ask Monica's father to speak to her. He thought he might question her about him... and he didn't want to cause her more problems than she already had.

"Hi, is Monica there?" Chandler asked slowly.

Jack was surprised to hear a boys voice on the other end-especially one which he recognised. He couldn't work out who it was, but he was pretty sure it was one of Ross' friends. "Yeah, I think she's upstairs... who is this?" he asked, confused.

"Chandler," he said, regretting it straight away. Surely Jack would recognise the name, and wonder why Ross' best friend was ringing Monica. But he didn't seem to, and, getting up from the sofa, he took the cordless phone with him as he went to find his daughter.

"Judy?" he said. "Where's Monica?"

"Upstairs," came the desolate reply. "Probably crying."

Jack frowned. He was worried about his daughter, even more than usual now. She suddenly seemed much worse, but maybe this young man would be able to help her... maybe they talked to each other about their problems.

"MONICA? Phone!" Jack yelled up the stairs.

Monica heard her dad's voice, and was surprised to hear that the phone was for her. Pulling herself up from her bed, she went downstairs and took the phone off of her dad, giving him a small smile which he returned.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Hey Mon, it's me... listen, do you think you could get to the park in, say, 15 minutes?"

Monica was surprised. What exactly was he asking her to do? And why?

"Yeah sure... why, exactly?"

There was a silence on the other end, before Chandler replied hesitantly: "I need to talk to someone. Anyone. But I really want to talk to you."

Monica was surprised, but felt a little flattered. "Err... sure," she said finally, thinking for a few minutes. "I'll be there once I've got changed."

Chandler breathed a sigh of relief. At least she'd agreed to meet him. As he put the phone down, a smile crept over his face. It seemed as though he may have made a friend for life.

------

_ This was how it happened last time.. why have I let myself get caught up in this again? I put my trust in men... they just let me down, they always do. All they ever want is one thing... although last time, he was actually a man..._

Chandler's just a boy. Nothing like that can be going through his mind... can it? I see him sitting on our bench.. that bench where Ross found us. Last time I was fine. I let myself forget that day. That day that I try to forget all the time. When I first met Chandler in the park, it was easy. The fears washed away, it was by pure coincidence that we met. He had nothing going through his mind, apart from the imminent divorce of his parents. He needed someone to talk to him. And I was willing to listen, to talk, to help. I let him confide in me. But now he's seeking me out. Phoning me at home. Why would he do that? It's not a coincidence anymore. He wants to see me. Why?

I know I shouldn't let what happened to me before get in the way of what looks like a wonderful friendship with a guy who is sweet, kind, and who wants to help me as much as I want to help him. But as he looks at me, his smile melting my heart, I feel stiff all of a sudden. As I sit beside him, as he turns to me, ready to talk... I want to run. Run, run, far away, before this gets out of hand.

But we're in a park. What can happen in a park? It's an open space, people are all around, walking their dogs, chatting. It's a beautiful day for late November. If I had to scream, someone would hear me... unlike last time.

Oh no. He's putting his arm around me. He's seen the tears in my eyes. The words... "Tell me what's going on..." I can hear him talking, but my brain doesn't want to listen to the soothing feel of his voice. I can't let myself like him too much. If I like him too much, I will put my trust in him.. he will take advantage of me... I was just 15. Fifteen. Who would do that to a fifteen year old? It's not right... no one knows. No one will ever know. I can't tell Chandler. I can't tell anyone. No one can take away what happened to me. No one can give it back. No one can help me.

Chandler saw the look in Monica's eyes, and felt startled suddenly. What was this deep secret that she wouldn't tell anyone? He desperately wanted to help her, but he sensed she wouldn't let anyone in. He put his arm round her, and sensed immediately that she was uncomfortable with it, so quickly took his arm away.

"Monica?" he asked gently, taking her hand, feeling he had to help her in some way, just let her know he wanted to help. "Please... Monica... talk to me."

He could see the tears falling down, cascading, almost. He desperately needed her to know that he cared about her, as little as he knew of her. And as she watched him, she could almost see what he was feeling for her, and slowly began to understand that she _could_ trust him. But not yet. Maybe not ever. But she had no need to be afraid of him.

"I can't," she said, her voice catching. The wind swept past them suddenly, and her hair was caught in the breeze. She looked so dramatic to Chandler all of a sudden, so beautiful... so desperate. Had she gone all this time with no one to care about her? No one else seemed to have noticed the pain she was going through.

Before he could say anything else, she stopped him with a look that made him forget everything except her. She smiled gently, sadly, and whispered "Please. Just be there. For me."

As they hugged, Chandler could only imagine what she was going through, and his face changed from worried for himself, to determined. Determined to help Monica. In any way he could.

--------

_ This chapter was incresibly hard to write, although it may not appear it did, as it is not very long, and Monica still hasn't told anyone. I'm really, really sorry if this chapter has offended anyone in any way. I've tried so hard not to make it bad, especially as Monica is only 15. But please, if you are going to flame, don't flame because of the ages. I changed the rating, I warned at the beginning of this chapter, and it does happen to 15 year olds. Believe me._

Anyway, I'm sorry if what I said didn't affect you anyway. Please read and review. I'm sorry it took ages to update but I've been incredibly busy. I'm sorry this chapter wasn't very long but the others will make up for it. Hopefully after this chapter things will get happier for people. This chapter just focussed on MonChan. If you'd rather not review, I understand. Lilian xXx


	6. Closer

**Chapter Six: Closer**

_ You guys will not believe how happy I was to get your reviews... I was so scared I might anger some of you. I have read fanfics that include rape, especially of a minor, and people have got really annoyed with the writer, saying it's not right to include it... but you lot are the greatest. I love you. I just hope that I can continue this in a way that you will enjoy. Lilian xXx_

**Three Months Later: February (R rating)**

"How do you mean?" Jack asked, looking over his newspaper.

Judy hesitated. "I don't know, Jack... ever since she's started becoming friends with this Chandler guy, she's seemed a lot happier. I mean, she still runs to her room in tears at random points and won't answer me when I ask her what's wrong... but you just watch her face when she thinks no one is looking. I'm telling you, something's going on between those two."

"Judy, she's only just sixteen," Jack said, smiling at his wife.

"That means nothing these days Jack," she scolded him. "I bet you that-"

"Judy, you're right. She does seem slightly happier, and any improvement is a thing to be encouraged. So she's made a new friend. Not all teenagers are sex mad you know."

Judy sighed. "I don't have a problem with it Jack. I was merely pointing it out. Chandler has problems. Monica seems to also have problems. They're good for each other. Maybe... we should invite him back here?"

Jack put down his paper. "No. Judy, don't. You'll just embarrass Monica. She'll hate you for it."

Judy nodded. "I guess you're right. Let's just see what happens. I think they'll confide in each other.. maybe it will help them."

As Jack nodded in agreement, they heard their daughter clatter down the stairs. She appeared in the sitting room and smiled a small, yet obvious smile at her mother. "Mom, I'm going over to Chandlers. Is that okay?"

Judy smiled back at Monica. "Of course, dear. Are you having dinner there?"

"I doubt it," Monica replied. "Unless I make him something. His dad's gone now, and his mother just stays locked in her bedroom. I don't think Chandler even knows what a toaster is."

Jack smiled to himself at Monica's sense of humour. It was returning. His cute little dark haired daughter was coming back to them. Slowly but surely, she was returning to them.

"So, Chandler, eh?" he asked, turning to Monica. "He seems nice." It was obvious parent-child teasing and Monica felt suddenly warm inside. She hadn't felt like that for at least a year. Finally, she could feel herself letting go... or beginning to, at least.

"He is, dad," she said, grinning shyly.

"Is he your boyfriend?" Jack enquired politely.

The warm feeling disappeared. She knew it wasn't her dads fault-he didn't know- but she didn't like the word boyfriend, partner... it reminded her of things she didn't want to remember.

"I...err.. I'll be back before nine," she said falteringly, and ran out the house. Judy turned to her husband, annoyed. Jack looked back at her, surprised. "What did I say?" he asked sheepishly.

--------

Ross stared at his report card. He couldn't quite believe it himself, but it was true. Math: A. Science: A. English...

What had happened? How had he got a C in English? He knew that English wasn't his favourite subject-he couldn't love any subject more than he loved science, but a C... his parents would be so disappointed. He never got less than an A, except in rare circumstances when he got a B, but that was when he had been ill and missed a lot of classes.

His parents would never understand. There would be so many questions, so much to explain, things to confess. He couldn't let them get upset and disappointed in him. It never occured to him that perhaps they would understand, if he did explain. He couldn't even begin to imagine how he would tell them that their A-grade son had only just passed English.

Sighing, he stood up, holding the report card in his hand, and shoved it under his pillow. Dinner was ready, and he knew if he was late downstairs they would want to know why. He couldn't cope with questioning just then.

--------

Chandler watched Monica as she bustled round the kitchen. She wouldn't let him do anything to help her, and before he knew what was happening, dinner was set out on the table. She had even set a place for Nora, in the hope that she might be tempted by the smell of pasta and come down to eat. According to Chandler, she hadn't eaten in weeks and had only drunk water or alcohol. Monica suspected that perhaps she ate something at work, but all she would ever do in the day was get up, get ready for work, go to work, come home and go straight to her bedroom.

"She won't come down," he said sadly. Monica looked up at him, her hair falling in her eyes, and he gently brushed it away.

"Thanks," she said gruffly, and then smiled as she passed him a knife. She sat down opposite him, and looked at him questioningly, a small smile on her face.

"What's up? Don't you like pasta?" she asked. "You could've told me before I did it-"

"No, no, it's not that," Chandler said, reaching for his fork. "I was just thinking... I've never known anyone like you before."

Monica looked confused. "What do you mean?" she asked, her face looking blank. Chandler was amazed. Did Monica not realise what a great friend she was? Did she expect him to take all her hard work for granted? If it wasn't for her, he would still be wallowing in his depression, over his parents divorce. Maybe she would never realise how grateful he really was to her, how much he really-

"Mozzarella?" she asked, passing him a bowl. He shook his head, not really listening. "Chandler, are you going to tell me what you meant?" she said quietly, looking at him.

Chandler shook himself out of his thoughts. Monica... he'd really never known anyone like her before. Someone who was willing to spend so much time with him, who asked so little, except maybe just to be listened to from time to time, to be talked to. Often to be immature with. She'd had to grow up fast over the past year and she'd lost some of her childish exuberance, but spending time with Chandler had helped it to re-grow, and sometimes, when she let herself forget that dark day from just over a year ago, she felt younger than ever. But the feeling, the memory, always returned to haunt her. Especially at night, as she fell asleep.

"Mon... don't you realise?" he asked, putting his fork down and reaching out to touch her hand. Surprisingly, she didn't pull away as she had before, but seemed interested in what he had to say.

"Realise what?" she asked innocently.

Chandler waved his hand around, exasperated. "All the little things you do... you look after me, Mon. Do you expect me to just give in to that, and expect it of you? Monica... you're my best friend. You took care of me when I was feeling down, when you had your own problems..." Here he paused, and looked at her with his head on one side. He still hadn't figured out what exactly was her problem, but he guessed it had something to do with a man, or a boy perhaps. Probably the latter. Maybe she'd been screwed over by someone and she'd just taken it too bad, but he knew that if it was important to her then it was important to him to help her.

"I like looking after people," she said simply. "Especially you, Chandler. I really feel I can open up to you, I can totally trust you."

"Then why won't you?" Chandler exclaimed, and Monica looked a little worried. "Monica... I want to help you, I really do, and if you think you can trust me then why won't you tell me?"

Monica looked away. The day had been great so far. Why did he have to ruin it with the questions? Maybe if she told him, he would shut up. But if she told him... he'd be disgusted. He wouldn't want to know her. He would look at her differently. She couldn't bear it.

"I can't," she said, her voice catching as tears caught in her throat. "I just can't, Chandler, ok? Can we please..."

"No," Chandler interrupted, but he was calmer. "Monica, you need help. Seriously, this thing is eating you up inside. Please, let me help you."

Monica looked at him, suddenly angry. He had no right to question her, and perhaps if he felt this mad, this angry with her, then it wouldn't change if she did tell him. He would still not be happy... but he wasn't happy now.

"Chandler, please..." she warned him, one last time.

"Monica-"

She stood up, her eyes flashing angrily, and Chandler thought for a split second she looked more beautiful than ever. Her hair was waving with the speed at which she stood up, and she glared at him. He was quite frightened.

"Okay," she said, quietly, but the rage in her voice was obvious. "You want to know why, Chandler? Why I've been depressed and pissed off everyone around me with my sad mournful face, my frequent tears and my anger? Why my sense of humour has disappeared except for the sacred times when I can actually forget what happened to me and be a child again? Because I was raped, Chandler. Ok? I was raped. By a man who should have known better. By someone I thought I could trust. A family friend. A CURRENT family friend. And if I tell ANYONE, then my family will feel so bad, so guilty..." She was beginning to break down, and Chandler, who had been shocked into silence, stood up and grabbed her. She looked as if she was going to fall. All the anger was let out and she felt as weak as a paper doll. In a strange way, she felt relieved to have finally told someone... but that wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to happen at all.

"Monica..." Chandler didn't know what to say, but held her until her hysterical sobs finally began to subside. She was so angry with herself. Chandler had been worried about her, and she had yelled at him as if he was the one who raped her. He had nothing to apologise for, yet she knew that he would. Everyone always said sorry, as if it was their fault... not that she would know from personal experience.

"I want to say I'm sorry," Chandler said carefully "but I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through... and sorry doesn't even begin to help the pain go away."

Monica looked at him, weakly. Maybe he did understand, if only a little, what she was going through. He hadn't had a similar experience... but he too, knew that "sorry's" don't help to ease the feeling of anger, pain, and sadness.

"You're not angry with me?" she asked hopefully. Chandler laughed sadly, pulling her closer to him.

"Of course not," he said, and he hugged her. "I'm so glad you finally got the courage to tell someone. Monica... I meant it. I want to help you. I don't know how I can even begin to... but I will give it my best shot."

"Thank you," she said in a whisper, before the exhaustion suddenly crept up on her and she fell asleep, leaning on him. Chandler estimated her weight, figured he could manage it, and gently carried her to the sofa, laying her down softly. He knelt beside her and brushed her hair out of her eyes. She hadn't slept properly in months. Perhaps, now she had finally confided in someone, she would feel better.

Chandler went to the phone, and dialled the Geller's number. "Mrs. Geller?" he asked, as Judy answered the phone. "It's Chandler Bing here. Erm... Monica might be a little late home. Is that okay? Thank you... yes, she's fine, she's just talking... yes, it is helping...okay, bye bye."

He put the phone down, and looked over at the dark haired girl lying on his sofa. Smiling sadly, worried for his friend but not wanting to disturb her, he picked up a book, sat on the sofa opposite her, and began to read, as darkness descended on the neighbourhood.

-------

"How late?" Jack asked, as Judy sat back down on the chair.

She shrugged. "I don't know. Jack, I wouldn't worry. It was you who told me not to worry earlier."

"I'm not worried," he said, smiling. "Just curious. Monica's old enough to know what she's doing anyway."

Judy nodded and stole the newspaper from Jack's lap. He made no attempt to stop her, as he had already read it, but as he got up to put on the TV, there was a knock at the door.

"Ross?" Judy called. "Can you get it please?"

Ross was in the kitchen, sitting at the table with his head in his hands. He knew he shouldn't make such a big deal out of his grades, but he couldn't help it. He'd always been a straight-A-grade student, and now it was ruined, because of that one C.

Sighing, he got up, noting as he walked past the window that it was raining quite heavily. He got to the front door and opened it, expecting it to be Monica having not heard the conversation his mother had just had with Chandler. He was shocked when he saw a very upset and wet Rachel Green standing on the doorstep.

"Hi... Ross... is Monica in?" she asked, tears streaming down her face. "I need to talk to her... it's urgent..."

"No, Rache, I'm sorry," Ross said, suddenly concerned for Rachel. "Hey, do you wanna talk to me about it? Can I help?"

Rachel looked at Ross. In he past couple of months she had spent quite a lot of time with Monica's brother, and although at first she thought him to just be the annoying older sibling that Monica had portrayed him as, she found he was very deep, and often very helpful. He had helped her when she had problems with Chip, given her advice. Maybe he could help with this new, and so distressing problem.

"I don't want to put you out," she said hesitantly, but Ross had already opened the door wider so she could walk in. He was very worried now. She didn't even have any make-up on, and she was wearing tracksuit bottoms and an old grey fleece. Something terrible must have happened, he thought grimly, as he helped her into the house.

"You're not," he said reassuringly, as he closed the front door behind them.

------

_ I hope this longer chapter made up for the last shorter one. I was out waaaay too late last night, but when I'm tired I often feel in the mood for writing, so I finished this off. Also still feel quite drunk... too much vodka... anyway, please read and review if you can spare the time (which I hope you can :) ) Oh, and, you know, it's my birthday soon (hint hint) so please be nice children. Lilian xXx_


	7. Heaven For Everyone

**Chapter Seven: Heaven For Everyone**

**_ Another Queen-based chapter! Has anyone else noticed how a young Brian May is actually quite cute? Or is that just me? I am a little crazy... anyway, thank you for the reviews of my last chapter, I think that's the most I've ever got for one chapter, so, thank you. Please keep it up! And listen to Queen! Don't discard the songs that they did after Freddie died either... Brian May and John Deacon have amazing voices when they are allowed to sing. Okay, end of my ramble, please read! (and review :p)_**

------

_In these days of cool reflection_

You come to me and everything seems alright

In these days of cold affections

You sit by me and everything's fine

Her hand clasped in his, Chandler felt as if he could never let go. Watching her sleep, a feeling of peace touched him gently, and he held on to it tightly, not wanting it to slip away. He'd never felt so content. Monica was like an angel to him. She'd helped him out of the state of depression he'd found himself in, and she'd never stopped believing that he was worth saving, worth helping. Even when she'd been going through so much... so much more than he could even begin to understand or identify with.

He frowned suddenly, thinking of the man who had taken her childhood from her. She hadn't told him who it was, hadn't given him any clue, and he suspected that she was not the kind of person who wanted revenge. But how was it right? She had let slip that it was a family friend, someone who was _still_ a family friend. It didn't make sense to him. How could she bear to be around him all the time? Maybe that was why she didn't spend a lot of time at home.

She was stirring. She'd been asleep for a couple of hours and it was already 9 o'clock. At least he had phoned her parents to tell them she would be late. How could they not realise that something dreadful had happened to their only daughter? Did they simply not care? Maybe they had tried to find out, and she had kept them out, driven them away. He suddenly felt quite honoured that she had confided in him, even though when she did tell him, she had been angry with him. Did he force her to tell him? Guilt washed over him suddenly, but he assured himself that if she really hadn't wanted to tell him, she wouldn't have done. Monica was strong. Things she wanted to keep quiet, she did, and he was sure that telling him her secret could only help her. He would get her through her struggle, somehow.

Her eyes opened suddenly. The first thing she saw was Chandler, holding onto her hand, his smile suddenly appearing as he saw her wake. She loved that smile. When he smiled, his whole face lit up, and she truly believed that he was, deep down, a wonderful person, someone who would be a great friend to her, hopefully for the rest of her life.

She didn't move, just stared up at him, suddenly feeling a force of attraction that she hadn't let herself feel for anyone since that day, over a year ago now. She hadn't let herself get too close to anyone, for fear that they would hurt her. She trusted that man, he was practically her friend too, and then he went and...no. Don't think about it, she told herself, and banished all of her thoughts of that cold night in the parking lot, as she smiled sweetly at Chandler, and slowly reached out, touching his face with her smooth hand.

Chandler was surprised. She'd never let herself get that close to him before. He couldn't deny he'd had feelings for her. Besides wanting to be there for her to get her through her troubles, he'd wanted to be there for her in other ways too. But, especially after what she had told him, he had told himself that nothing could ever happen that might destroy their friendship, and make her think he was only after one thing. Which he definitely wasn't. He loved Monica, more than he'd ever loved anyone, and he wanted to be for her whatever she needed him to be.

"Chandler," Monica whispered, her hand still slightly stroking his cheek, almost like a leaf in the wind. "Thank you."

Chandler looked surprised. "For what, Mon?" he said gently, touching her hand as it lay on his face.

She struggled to find the words. For what? For everything. For being there when she broke down, for letting her help him. He didn't seem to understand that she needed to know there was someone else out there with problems. And he'd been so great to her. He'd let her stay at his house when she needed to get out. He'd even let her sleep, and he hadn't questioned her about what she had told him. Not that she'd given him a lot of a chance, having fallen asleep straight away.

"For being there," she replied. "For being my friend. Aside from Rachel, I've never felt this away about anyone before."

His face fell. So she only thought of him as a friend. The hand on his cheek was a friendly hand. The clasp while she slept was a friendly clasp. Monica saw his face fall, and she knew what he was thinking. She had to reassure him, but she didn't know how. He had been right. She didn't _want_ to let herself fall in love, grow too close, in case he used her too, but something inside her knew he would treat her properly, and she could feel a magnetic pull between the two of them.

"Chandler..." she tried, and his face looked hopeful suddenly. "I don't want to..."

He looked concerned. "You don't want to what?" he asked, confused.

"This. I don't... I can't help it, Chandler... Hell, I'm only 16. I shouldn't be thinking this sort of stuff. I am still a child... and you're 18... so much older..."

Chandler looked worried suddenly. "Mon, nothing has to happen that you don't want to... I'll always be here for you, however you want me to be..."

Monica put her head on one side, and drew her hand away. Chandler sighed, but his sigh was cut short when she said "I don't want to fall in love with you, Chandler."

Chandler looked at her questioningly. "But?" he asked.

Monica looked back at him, and smiled. "It seems I have no choice," she whispered, and, sitting up, she pulled him closer to her, letting her lips brush his gently. He put his arms round her, and they stood for a few minutes, wrapped in each others arms, each looking for comfort and finding it in each other. All worries, fears and terrors were cast aside, as the only thing they thought about for those few minutes was each other.

_This could be heaven for everyone_

This world could be fed, this world could be fun

This could be heaven for everyone 

This world could be free, this world could be one

------

_ In this world of cool deception_

Just your smile can smooth my ride

These troubled days of cruel rejection 

You come to me, soothe my troubled mind

The only sound coming from Ross's bedroom was the gentle cry of Rachel, as she sobbed into his shirt. All he could do was hold her, feeling nothing but sorrow for his friend, which, over the past couple of months, she had slowly become. She had never confided anything huge to him, but they had listened to each other and tried to help when Monica hadn't been around. Rachel had quietly thought to herself that Monica didn't seem to care much for Rachel's silly high-school-crap problems. But this wasn't some high-school-crap problem. This was much more important, much more sad, and now Rachel had no one to turn to except Ross.

"I never got to say goodbye," Rachel said, gulping, as she pulled away from Ross. "Amy and I had this enormous fight, about clothes... she wanted to borrow my skirt, or something, I barely remember now... and I was angry with her because she'd already broken my necklace a few days before... it was a really nice one that my grandad had bought for me so I was pretty annoyed... and I yelled at her, I told her I wished I didn't have sisters who would borrow my stuff.. and.. and... never return it in one piece..." Tears engulfed Rachel, and, weakly, she leant against Ross. "I'm so spoilt. I told her I wished she'd never been born, that I wished I was an only child... I told her if her and Jill hadn't been born, I would have had more money spent on me... and..."

"Rache, that was just some stupid sibling rivalry. I'm sure she didn't take it personally," Ross said soothingly. "Me and Monica argue all the time..." he trailed off, his heart aching for Monica. She hadn't argued with him for ages now. She didn't seem to have the effort. He missed his old sister. He wanted the feisty Monica back, who never let him win an argument... it felt as though _his_ sister had died, too...

"And then the car... crash... and she... they said she had a strong chance of survival, but..." Rachel stopped, she couldn't carry on, and just cried into Ross' shirt again. He didn't know what to say to help, but he knew that just holding her would comfort her in some way, to show her that someone cared. Her parents didn't even notice when she had left the house. They were so distraught themselves, and Jill was with her friends, crying to them, Rachel expected. She didn't expect her parents to worry about her, knowing that they would be going through a lot themselves, without having to worry about their other daughters, but she had needed someone. She had hoped for Monica, but Ross had been a surprising comfort. She was starting to open up to him more, and, as she looked up at him, he gently kissed her forehead.

"Rache, I really don't know what to say or do to make the pain go away. It won't, but, you mustn't blame yourself," he stressed. "Siblings fall out all the time. I'm sure she knew that you loved her. And she loved you, Rache, despite the petty fights you had," he said, trying to make her smile. He only just succeeded, as he saw the tiny smile vanish, as more tears appeared, and she fell back on the bed, trying to make sense of what had happened.

"I've lost my sister, Ross," she whispered. "I'm never going to see her again. I'm never going to get to argue with her, never again. I can only talk to her in my mind, and what use is that? I can never hear her witty replies. Never hear her laugh. Never see her cry... when... when me or Jill has destroyed one of her favourite pieces of jewellery, or something..."

"Remember those times," Ross said, laying beside her, gently touching her hair. "Remember the fun you had, the tears, the tantrums, but remember the love too. You did love each other. And she knows that. I'm sure of it."

Rachel rested on her elbow, facing him. "You're so wise, Ross," she said quietly. "I never expected it of you. I always thought of you as Mon-"

"Monica's geeky older brother," Ross finished, nodding and grinning. "I can be wise, you know. But seriously, Rache... I will always listen to you, if you need someone. I like to think we're... friends... now?" he asked, looking hopeful.

Rachel nodded. "We are friends, Ross. Thank you.. for being there for me."

They stood, and Rachel hugged Ross tightly, as he stroked her hair, wistfully wondering if they would ever be more than "friends." Right now, he knew, she needed a friend. He needed a friend. Thank god they had found each other.

-----

_**Sappy? No! Well, I enjoyed writing this one. I love getting Mon&Chan together. And I'm not well-known for my Rachel&Ross stories but I'm trying! Now, please review. PLEASE! **_


	8. Play The Game

**Chapter Eight: Play The Game**

_High five to all my fellow Queen fans! Glad to see some people still have taste :p. **I must now thank anhonestmoose for giving me the idea to use No One But You,** I thought that would fit in with Amy's funeral (yes, it has to happen, I'm sorry) but this chapter is based on "Play The Game", another Queen song. I think it goes quite well with Mon&Chan. I must take this oppurtunity to apologise if you loathe and detest Queen... and recommend a doctor for you :). Hehe. Lilian xXx PS: Timescales are not very good here-when Monica and Rachel were 16, Brian May hadn't released this song I doubt, so just pretend it's present day. I know it might be difficult but... well... live. :p_

---- 

_A hand across the water,_

_An angel reaching for the sky, _

Is it raining in heaven? 

Do you want us to cry? 

The lilting voice of Amy's best friend hit all the right notes, quavering slightly as tears started to form. Rachel sat at the front, with Ross holding onto her hand tightly, never wanting to let go. Rachel had insisted that he was there with her. On the other side of her was Monica, still feeling guilt from not being there for her when she had needed her. Rachel's parents sat next to Ross, and Rachel's mom dabbed at her eyes with a white handkerchief. Jill was at the front, by Amy's coffin, singing with June, Amy's friend. It was how Amy would have wanted it, Rachel told herself. She'd often commented on how apart the family seemed from the deceased at all the funerals she had attended. She had thought it would be better if the family took part, reading something, singing something... anything to make it feel more personal. 

_And everywhere the broken-hearted, _

On every lonely avenue, 

No one could reach them, 

No one but you 

Jill joined in, her voice strong, remembering her sister, the fights, the tantrums, but also remembering the love they shared, although at times it seemed invisible. But they knew it always was there. Rachel smiled weakly as she caught Jill's eye, and Jill smiled back, as her and June began to sing the chorus to the song that Amy had loved, and seemed so appropriate for that day. 

_One by one, _

Only the good die young, 

They're only flying too close to the sun, 

And life goes on, 

Without you. 

Rachel turned to Ross, not wanting the next part to happen. Rachel's father and three other young men-uncles, cousins- went to the coffin, and lifted it onto their shoulders. It was so light, Rachel knew it would be. Amy was so slim. Enviously slim. She weighed nothing, practically, yet from Mr. Green's face, it looked like it weighed a ton. His eyes were wet with tears, and the struggle to bury his daughter seemed too much for him. No parent should go through having to say goodbye to one of their own children. Yet he was. She had left them far too young. It wasn't fair. 

_Another tricky situation, _

I get to drowning in the blues, 

And I find myself thinking, 

What would you do? 

Yes it was such an operation, 

Forever paying every due, 

You made a sensation, 

You found a way through. 

She couldn't. As everyone got up to say their final goodbye to Amy, Rachel knew she couldn't watch her sisters coffin go gracefully into the ground. She couldn't bear it. Ross and Monica understood, and stayed with Rachel in the church, as everyone silently filed out. Jill and June couldn't bear it either, and as their voices slowly trailed away, they walked over to the three friends and all cried together. Ross and Monica barely knew Amy, but they felt the grief of the sisters and the friend, and they all held tight, not wanting to let each other slip away. 

_And now the party must be over, _

I guess we'll never understand, 

The sense of your leaving, 

Was it the way it was planned? 

And so we grace another table, 

And raise our glasses one more time, 

There's a face at the window, 

And I ain't never, ever saying goodbye 

One by one, 

Only the good die young, 

They're only flying too close to the sun, 

Crying for nothing, 

Crying for no one, 

No one but you. 

--------- 

**Two weeks later**

Monica sighed, as she stroked Chandler's hair fondly. It was a conversation they had had all too often these days. He desperately wanted to know who it was that had raped her, but what could he do? He couldn't exactly go and beat him up. It was stupid and idiotic to think he could. 

"Don't you want revenge?" Chandler asked sadly, as he lay with his head in Monica's lap. 

Monica thought for a second. "Not revenge, exactly," she said sadly. "It's not that, Chandler. I'd love to see him get what he deserves. But I couldn't put my family through all that stress. They would feel so guilty, not realising it themselves, and realising that it was because of them... he is their friend, after all." 

"But if you get him put away, it will stop him doing a similar thing to someone else," Chandler tried to persuade her. 

"I know," she said. "I feel terrible that I could do something to prevent him hurting another girl like me, but, Chandler, I love my parents more. It might not make much sense to you, but I know I'm doing the right thing. You've helped," she assured him, as he sat up and looked at her. "Now I've told someone, I feel freer. I feel more happy. That might also be cos I'm with you," she teased, as he stroked her cheek gently. 

He grinned and kissed her lips quickly, then pulled away and reached for a pillow. Monica grinned back, and reached for another, and before long they were involved in a major battle. Monica forgot how expensive the pillows were, and the fact that ornaments dotted her room. She forgot where she was, and the fact that her and Chandler were supposed to be studying together-no one knew about them yet-until her bedroom door opened. 

"Monica!" came an exclamation. Monica, who was at this point lying on the floor, being pinned down from Chandler, rolled out from underneath him and a look of dismay washed over her face. 

"Rachel..." 

Rachel stood at the doorway, Ross standing right behind her, their faces a mixture of astonishment and disbelief. Ross also looked a little mad. It was obvious to him what was going on. He had suspected it ever since he saw them on the park bench together. Were they an item? 

"Hey bro, wassup?" Monica said, trying to keep cool. Chandler broke out in a fit of giggles and Monica thumped him in the stomach. 

"What... are you doing... with my sister?!" Ross said quietly, but his voice sounded dangerous. Chandler recognised the tone and stood up, sheepishly. 

"Hey man, be cool... it's not like I've slept with her..." 

Ross looked thunderous suddenly. "That doesn't matter! Chandler, she's my sister! It's not right... it's.... urgh!" He was lost for words. He felt betrayed in a way. His best friend was secretly going out with his sister? And he hadn't even checked that it was alright? 

Monica was looking from Ross to Rachel now, suspicious of them. "What about you two, huh?" she asked suddenly, and Ross looked taken aback. "She's my best friend too, Ross. Yet you don't seem to think that's a problem!" 

Ross looked at her, angrily. "Nothing is going on between us," he said calmly. "We're just friends. While you've been playing around with Chandler, Rachel has needed someone to talk to, and I've been there for her..." 

Monica felt guilty, but it didn't stop her. "Yeh, well, you wish something was happening, don't you Ross?" she asked accusingly. Rachel didn't look surprised, which startled her, but she carried on. "You've always had a crush on her, haven't you? Since ninth grade. I know. I've heard you talking to your friends about it. You've always liked her. So don't you go around preaching at your friend when you're doing a similar thing!" 

Rachel turned to Ross. "You like me?" she asked, although her face didn't look that surprised. 

Ross turned red, and glared at his sister. "You bitch!" he said, before leaving the room. Rachel turned back to Monica and gave her a half smile. Monica walked over to Rachel and gave her a huge hug. "Rachel... I'm sorry about that," she said. "And I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I'm sorry I got caught up in other stuff..." 

"That's okay," Rachel said, smiling secretively. "I've enjoyed spending time with your brother. He's nice. I really like him, too." 

Monica and Chandler both looked shocked, and Rachel laughed. "What?" she asked, innocently. "I do. He's really sincere, and a great listener... and I think I'm going to tell him that too." She left Monica's bedroom without a word, and Monica turned to Chandler, amazed. 

"Well!" she said. 

"Well!" Chandler said, before grabbing a pillow and pummeling her with it. "I win!" 

"Oh no you don't!" Monica laughed, grabbing his legs as he fell over. She leaned across and kissed him on the lips. "You're so cute when you're in danger of death," she joked. 

Chandler grinned, before struggling to sit up. "Mon... I don't want to startle you, or anything... but, and I know you might think this is crazy... but I love you." 

Monica looked shocked, for a few seconds, before smiling and touching his face. "I love you too Chandler," she whispered, as he pulled her in and kissed her deeply, knowing he would never go further than she wanted to if his life depended on it. What they had was precious. He didn't want to destroy her trust in him. He knew that he loved her, he knew he'd loved her for ages now, but he thought it was too soon to say, in case it wasn't real. But now he knew, and she knew too, that they would always love each other. 

Round the corner, Rachel peeped in at them, standing beside Ross. "Look, Ross," she said quietly, as they kissed. "They're in love. I can tell they are. Don't jeopardize their relationship. I mean, you know Chandler... if you really are best friends, surely it would be better that she was going out with him than with someone you didn't know?" 

Ross shrugged. "I guess. They do kinda make a cute couple," he admitted grudgingly. Rachel smiled, and pulled him away from the doorway. 

"Ross... I just wanted to say thank you," she said, tears filling her eyes again. "You've been there for me so much recently... especially with Amy dying.... you'll never know how grateful I am." 

Ross smiled, not knowing how Rachel really felt. "That's okay, Rache," he said, kissing her cheek. She deliberately turned her head so his lips brushed hers. He jumped back, startled, but Rachel smiled and, putting her hands on his head, pulled him closer and kissed him gently. 

"Well..." Ross said, a little taken aback, as they parted. "I guess that's a start." 

Rachel grinned, and entwined her fingers in his, leaning against his chest as he stood against the wall, just happy to be with him. Ross couldn't believe his luck. Was it possible? Did Rachel like him too? 

------ 

_Open up your mind and let me step inside _

Rest your weary head and let your heart decide 

It's so easy when you know the rules 

It's so easy all you have to do 

Is fall in love 

Play the game, 

Everybody play the game of love 

----- 

_**Argh! I'm so sorry for my sappy mood of late. Of course, most of you like sappy... but I warn you, this is the end of the sappiness for a while. I'm sorry, really I am... well, it's more interesting to write dramatic stuff anyway. Sorry! Please: a.) read b.) review and c.) listen to Queen! Next chapter coming soon! Lilian xXx**_


	9. End Of A Dream

**Chapter Nine: End Of A Dream**

_No Queen songs in this chapter... sorry (I'm amazed how many people like them out there, I feel kind of a recluse amongst my friends). I really like "Don't Stop Me Now" too, but I have no idea how to put that in this fiction. Maybe I will at some point... we can but dream. Anyway. Chapter Nine has begun. Please read and review._

-------

She'd been to the park again. With him. They never seemed to do anything interesting, except sit, talk, sometimes kiss. It didn't seem interesting to the man, hunched over his steering wheel, watching Monica and her "boyfriend." He was annoyed. He'd thought hanging around at the Geller's house frequently would make Monica scared of all men.. especially after what he had done to her before... he couldn't help but be attracted to this dark haired, average height, sixteen year old. She was so slim, her face so innocent... yet he knew it was an act.

Could she have told her boyfriend about him? He doubted it. Monica was the kind of person who could sort out her own life. She didn't like anyone else intruding. She didn't want anyone else to think she was weak. It was unlikely she would have told anyone. That was what he was counting on.

They seperated at the park gates, kissing for a while. The man frowned. Would they ever finish? Finally they seperated, and he checked his watch. The Gellers had wanted him at their house in ten minutes. He would be there.

-------

"Mom! I'm home!" Chandler called as he came through the front door. He could smell something in the kitchen, which surprised him. His mom hadn't cooked since Charles had left. It was unheard of for her to even leave her bedroom on most days.

"Hi Chandler sweetheart." Nora came out of the kitchen. Chandler noticed she was wearing a lot of make up and looked very happy. He was quite confused.

"Mom? What's happening?" he asked, voicing his concern as they walked into the lounge and she sat down heavily on a couch.

"Well, Chandler..." she began, not sure how to continue. "I... I got a promotion."

Chandler smiled widely. "That's great Mom," he said, relieved that nothing terrible had happened. "Have we got any coffee in the house?"

"Chandler... wait," she said. "The job... it's in London."

Chandler jumped, and turned round. Had he heard her correctly? London? But that was in England. He couldn't just leave...

Nora watched him carefully, trying to imagine what he was thinking. Her heart sank as she saw his face. She hated herself. He had just begun to make new friends and heave himself out of the depression that the divorce had caused. He'd also met Monica. Despite assuring her that they were "just friends" she knew her son better than he realised. She knew that there was no way that they were just friends. She'd seen the way that they had leapt apart when she had entered the room. She was happy for him, and didn't want to spoil his life.

"Will we... will we have to move?" Chandler whispered. Nora felt tears coming to her eyes, but nodded, and hastily wiped them away.

"No!" Chandler exclaimed. "I can't, Mom, I can't just leave. I was going to go to college... university... next year. I want to stay in America. Mom... please, do you have to take this job?" But he could tell from her face that she wanted to go. And even though he hated her for making him leave the friends and people he loved, he knew he couldn't make her feel any more guilty than she obviously already was.

"Congratulations," he muttered, before leaving the lounge and going up to his bedroom. Nora sighed and let herself drop on the sofa. It could have been worse. He could have shouted at her. But the look in his eyes made her feel ten times worse than she had done before. But she had no other choice. If she didn't go to London, she would have no job and barely any money. They had to go.

------

Monica sat at the table awkwardly, pushing around a few garden peas. Her parents were entertaining again, and she hated it. Amongst the people that Judy had invited round was the man that she never wanted to see, ever again.

Jack's friend Richard had been seated next to Monica, and every now and again he smiled at her, but she never returned the smile. She never even looked at him. She just wanted to get through the dinner as quickly as possible and excuse herself. She knew if she ran off now, her parents would be suspicious, and insist that she tell them what was wrong. Probably in front of everyone, as a way of an apology for being so rude as to leave the table without asking. She had to stick it out, and vigorously ate her chicken, wishing all the food would just disappear.

A hand rested on hers. She looked up, startled, and saw Richard's kindly smile. She couldn't help but smile back, albeit sadly. Richard was one of the few people who Monica felt she could talk to at times. He was almost like a father to her, and sometimes he turned out to be a better dad than the one she had. He actually listened to her. But she could never tell him her biggest secret. He would be shocked, disgusted and appalled, and would tell Jack and Judy. And then what would happen?

"You're eating rather fast!" he exclaimed, but quietly, and Monica grinned.

"Just... have things to do," she said, but Judy had overheard the conversation.

"Oh Monica, how are things with you and Chandler?" she asked, quite loudly. Monica went red as every head turned to look at her.

"Chandler, huh? Is that your new boyfriend?" Sandra, Judy's best friend, asked kindly.

Monica looked down at her plate. "Kinda," she said shakily.

A couple of people laughed at Monica's obvious discomfort. "Leave the poor girl alone," Richard said, coming to her rescue. "I bet you wouldn't like it if people asked you about your private lives."

"Not that there's much to tell," said one man, who was sitting opposite Monica. He looked at her with what appeared to be a kindly glance, but Monica froze. She'd been avoiding him all night, and now he seemed to be directing a comment straight at her. "So, what is he like, this Chandler?" he asked, and a couple of women giggled at his question.

Monica stuttered, and looked to Richard for help. Richard glared at the man. "I said, leave her alone, George," he said.

George looked at Richard, as if he were about to retort, but thought better of it. Judy giggled a little too loudly, trying to break the awkward silence that had fallen. Monica went red again and nodded slightly at Richard, to show she was grateful, and excused herself from the table when the phone rang.

She breathed a sigh of relief as she left the dining area and reached for the phone. "Hello?" she said, sinking to the floor.

There was a few seconds of silence on the other end. Monica was confused. "Hello?" she repeated, a little impatiently. "Who is this?"

"It's me," came the reply. Monica smiled to herself. Chandler.

"Hey Chandler, how are you?" she asked, playing with the cord on the phone.

Chandler breathed in sharply. "Not good, Mon," he said honestly. "I've got... got a problem."

Monica sat up a little. "What's wrong?" she asked, worried. She thought maybe his mother had done something stupid.. tried to kill herself maybe. She had seemed so depressed lately.

"My mom got a promotion."

"That's a good thing, surely?" Monica said, feeling slightly more relieved.

"No... you see, it's in London." Chandler bit his lip as he heard Monica gasp on the other end.

"London.. in England?" she asked.

Chandler didn't have the heart to even be sarcastic. "Yeah, Mon," he said, deadpanned.

"Sorry... I don't know why I said that... of course it's London in England, why else would it be a problem?" Monica gabbled, not knowing when to stop. Chandler sighed, knowing that Monica was freaking out.

"Mon... Monica, you're getting high-pitched..."

"I suppose you'll have to leave, too, leave me, just as we'd got so close... we were doing so well and now you're going to have to leave, but no, it's okay, I can't stop you leaving, you can't stop your mother, she's probably going to get much better pay..."

Chandler let her carry on for a while, knowing she would eventually stop and break down. He didn't have to wait long. He could hear her voice becoming hysterical, and he interrupted her. "Mon, can I come over, so we can talk?"

"We've got guests," Monica said, but she didn't know why that should stop him coming. "But I'm sure my mom won't mind. Can you be here in ten?"

Chandler agreed to be there soon, and hung up. His mother was sitting on the stairs, and as he turned, he saw her, her eyes red from crying.

"Chandler..."

"I'm going to Monica's," he said shortly, grabbed his jacket and left the house.

------

_ So sorry this took so long! And I'm sorry this chapter was so short too. I've been very busy, I went shopping today with birthday money . Someone asked when my birthday was, and it was on Monday (14th.) I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner. Anyway, please read and review. Think of this chapter as a link for more angst-y things to come. Sorry! :( Lilian xxx_


	10. It's A Hard Life

**Chapter Ten: It's A Hard Life**

_** I'm really getting into this now. I love a bit of angst-especially where Chandler and Monica are concerned. I like making my characters suffer Meanie! I hear you cry. Well, sorry. Please keep reading though. I don't own "It's a Hard Life" by the wonder that is Queen. :) Lilian xXx**_

_I don't want my freedom,_

There's no reason for living with a broken heart,

This is a tricky situation,

I've only got myself to blame

-------

"It's raining," Monica whispered softly, as Chandler protested.

"I just... I don't feel comfortable being here, when all your parents friends are in the room below us," he said, feeling a little bit silly, but still adamant that they could be disturbed.

"Chandler, will you stop worrying?" Monica exclaimed. "Look, we have to spend as much time together as we possibly can. I can't believe you're-"

She stopped as she saw Chandler's face. It was a mixture of worry, anger and suspicion. "What?" she asked, confused. "What's wrong?"

"He's downstairs, isn't he?" Chandler said, getting up from Monica's bed and pacing up and down. Monica was still confused.

"Who's downstairs? Chandler, please..."

"The man... the man who..." he couldn't finish, and just looked at her. The penny dropped, and he could tell from her face that his worries were correct. "That bastard..."

"Chandler, please!" she said, her voice urgent. "Just forget it! He's not going to do anything while everyone's here, especially if you're here, is he?"

"I can't believe that this lowlife is in your house, eating and drinking with your parents and... destroying your life..." Chandler finished. "Monica, you can't have forgotten! I don't want to bring it all up again, but, seriously, you can't just forgive and forget something like that?!"

"Why not?" Monica said simply. "It's easier that way. I'm not a disgrace to the family. Everyone's happy. Chandler, we've been through this..." She tried to calm him down, but he wasn't listening.

"You wouldn't disgrace your family! They'd be ashamed that they never worked it out themselves. You'd be apologised to countless times, not frowned upon! They'd kill themselves!"

"Exactly," Monica said. "How much would it kill them, knowing someone had done something that despicable to their only daughter? They'd be crushed. Chandler, I can't do that to them..."

"Well, maybe you can't, but I can," Chandler said furiously, grabbing his jacket. Monica looked scared. "Chandler, no..."

Chandler looked back, anger flashing through his eyes. "Monica, I just, I can't, I won't let him get away with it!" he said, stuttering a little as his arms flailed about. "They have to know! Monica-"

"Chandler, if you go down there and tell them, then we are over!" she threatened, just as angry. "I told you in confidence, I told you because I thought I could trust you! You can't just betray my trust like this!"

Chandler stopped, the message finally hitting home. "Mon..." he tried, slightly more gently this time. "Please..."

"No," she said stubbornly. "I won't let them find out. I want you to leave now."

Chandler looked shocked. "But... I don't want to leave, Monica. Mon.. I'm not gonna be here much longer... I want to spend my last few weeks with you. Just you."

Monica didn't look like she was going to relent. "Chandler, please, just go home. I can't deal with this right now... I don't want to be with you right now," she said, and half pushed him out the door. "I'll phone you tomorrow. See yourself out."

Chandler stood motionless as she closed her bedroom door in his face. He stared at the door for a few seconds before shaking himself, and heading towards the stairs. As he started to descend, Ross came out of his own bedroom.

"Chandler," Ross said, calling to him. Chandler turned round.

"Hey Ross."

"Hey, man, are you okay? You look pretty beat. Have you just had an argument with Mon? I heard you arguing."

Chandler smiled sadly. "Yeah... a "lovers tiff" I suppose you could say," he said, grinning a little. Ross smiled back.

"Wanna talk about it?" Ross held open his bedroom door, indicating for him to come in. Chandler mused for a few seconds.

"If that's okay."

-------

Science wasn't so appealing when Ross wasn't there to help, Rachel thought to herself, smiling as she remembered the past couple of days she had spent almost entirely in Ross' company. She still couldn't believe how wonderful he was. A great listener, a great friend... a marvellous kisser.

She blushed slightly, a small smile creeping over her face. She looked up to see her father sitting on the couch, pretending to read the newspaper, but she knew that he was thinking about Amy. Rachel sighed, missing her sister, but she knew that she couldn't have got through it so well if it wasn't for Ross.

"Daddy," Rachel said sweetly, and Mr. Green peered over his paper, smiling half-heartedly at his daughter.

"What is it, sweetie?" he asked. His voice sounded bored, but Rachel had grown used to it.

"Do you know anything about radio-activity and half-lives, carbon dating and isotopes?" she asked hopefully. She saw her dad almost laugh to himself. "I'll take that as a no, then?" she asked.

"I know a little, I guess," he said, thinking to himself. School was so different these days. He knew he should know about radioactivity but somehow he had forgotten it. "Why don't you ask that wonderful Boy Wonder you've been dating for the past couple of weeks?" he asked, partly sarcastically. He didn't approve of Rachel having a boyfriend, but, he had to admit, Ross had been a very good friend to his daughter and he knew that she could do a lot worse.

Rachel nodded. "I guess I'll have to," she said, standing up and dusting herself down. She reached for the phone and dialled the Geller house, praying that Ross would answer. She had to admit, his parents scared her sometimes.

-------

Judy Geller heard the phone ringing, and looked to Richard. "Richard, dear, could you answer that for me please?" she asked sweetly. "I've kinda got my hands full at the moment."

Richard nodded, and took the cordless from the receiver. "Hello, this is the Gellers," he said, so as not to confuse someone who wouldn't recognise his voice.

"Oh, hi," came the reply. "Is Ross there?"

Richard balanced the phone on his shoulder. "Where's Ross, Judy?" he asked.

"In his room," Judy said. "Could you take it up to him?"

Richard took the phone again. "Hang on, I'll just take you to him," he said. "Who is this?" He left the kitchen and went over to the stairs.

"Rachel Green. Who's this?" Rachel asked, confused. It certainly wasn't Jack.

"Richard, Jack and Judy's friend."

"Dr. Burke?" Rachel asked, a little flirtatiously. For an older man, he was rather nice. "Wow, this is a pleasant surprise."

Richard laughed. "Yes, I think I recognise your name, too. Aren't you Monica's friend?"

"Yeah," Rachel said. "But Ross is my boyfriend." Richard was so easy to talk to, she thought to herself. He always had been. She knew Monica had had a massive crush on him when she was younger. She could understand why.

"How lucky you are. Hang on, I'm outside his room now," he said. He knocked on the door. "Ross?" he called. There was no reply. He heard crying coming from Monica's room, and was worried. He also heard male voices, seeming to comfort the girl-Monica, he presumed. He went slowly over to Monica's bedroom and knocked hesitantly. "Ross?" he said. Worried, he didn't wait for an answer, and slowly opened the door. Richard was practically a father to Ross and Monica. He hoped they wouldn't mind.

"Ross it's the phone for you..." His voice faltered. The sight that was before him was tragic. Monica was sobbing into a pillow, a boy who Richard suspected was Chandler was sitting by her, his arm around her, and Ross was sitting the other side, stroking her hair. Ross looked up at Richard and shook his head.

"I'm very sorry, Rachel, Ross will have to call you back," Richard said hurriedly, and hung up. Holding the phone in his hand, he looked at Chandler and Ross, his eyes showing worry.

"Now," he said, addressing the three of them. "What's going on?"

---------

_I try and mend the broken pieces, I try to fight back the tears,_

They say it's just a state of mind, but it happens to everyone,

How it hurts, deep inside,

When your love has cut you down to size,

Life is tough on your own.

-------

_**Yes, only little bits of that song were used, as not all of it is very fitting with this chapter. I ask you one thing-don't necessarily jump to conclusions with this chapter. What happened might not be what you imagine. But don't let that stop your imaginations run on. Please review! Go on! Be nice!! Lilian xXx**_


	11. Who Wants To Live Forever?

**Chapter 11: Who Wants To Live Forever? **

_ Hmm, could have done without the death threats.. hehe... I'm sorry for stopping the chapter there! It seems to have had the desired effect though... you all want me to continue. Woot! I had to stop it somewhere, didn't I? Anyway, I will make this chapter longer, I promise. If I don't... sue me. It has to beat 1400 words to make it longer than the last chapter. Not that you will know if it has, but I promise I will. Probably this AN is longer than 1400 words. :p. Please keep reading! Not that you need much persuasion... And remember, Queen (and Brian May especially) are the ultimate Gods. Yes, Gods. And that god that is Brian May wrote "Who Wants To Live Forever," which means it is clearly not mine. Sorry to disappoint._

"What's going on?"

Chandler looked to Ross, not really sure what to say. But Ross appeared calm as he responded. "Monica's worried about school, Richard. She got a B in Home Ec. and she's worried that Mom will feel let down. You know how Mom gets," Ross said, lying smoothly.

Richard didn't believe him for a second. "Monica?" he asked cautiously. "Are you okay?"

Monica didn't move, and stayed laying face down on her bed, her head buried in the pillow. Richard breathed in sharply, and looked at Ross, who had gone a slight shade of pink. He didn't like lying, especially to Richard who he respected and admired, and quite liked. This gave Richard all the evidence he needed- Ross wasn't telling him the truth.

"Monica, will you please talk to me?" Richard asked gently. "I want to help you."

Monica made some kind of response, but the three men had no idea what she said. "Err... what did you say Mon?" Ross asked worriedly. He had to admit, he had been lying, and he knew that Richard knew that, but he had no idea why Monica was so distraught. Chandler had been about to tell him something-something which he sensed was very important-when they had heard a wail coming from Monica's bedroom. Chandler had rushed out of the door and across the hallway, and Ross had followed him, worried about his sister. When they went in, Monica was in the position she was now, and the only movement she had made was a slight nod when asked if she minded them staying with her. Ross knew it was serious. He guessed it was to do with what had been bothering her for the past year or so, but he had no idea what it was.

"I said, you can't help me," she whispered, turning herself round so she was laying on her back, staring at the ceiling. "No one can," she added, barely making a sound, but the men were listening intently and heard her.

"Monica," Chandler said softly, touching her hand. She didn't pull away, which surprised him, and he carried on. "We want to try and help you, if only you'll let us."

"I wanted to let you help me," she said, still staring at the ceiling. "But you didn't. You betrayed me, Chandler."

"I haven't betrayed you," Chandler responded, his finger grazing hers as he stroked it. "I haven't told anyone what you told me. And I won't. I promise. It's up to you who knows. But I really think you should tell your parents, or Ross, at least." He looked uncertainly at the man who he knew as Richard, or Dr. Burke. "Maybe even Richard. It might be easier to talk to him."

"I thought telling you was enough," she said, eventually pulling her hand away. "I thought you'd be able to help me forget. But you bring it all up again, don't you?"

Ross motioned to Ross that they should leave the room and let Chandler and Monica continue their discussion alone. Ross didn't look happy, but got up slowly and walked out of her bedroom, Richard following close behind.

Chandler looked up as the door closed. "Mon, they've gone," he whispered. "Monica... Please, believe me. I was never going to tell anyone. I was so angry, but I would never, ever tell anyone. You've got to believe me."

"I haven't got to do anything, Chandler," Monica said monotonously. "Least of all tell anybody. I shouldn't have told you."

"Yes, you should," Chandler insisted, grabbing her hand now. Again, she didn't pull away. "You had to tell someone. Admit it, Monica, since confiding in me you've felt happier."

Monica hesitated. "I... I guess..."

"And if you tell someone else, it will help more. Together we can help you, Monica. Look, I'm not going to insist that you tell your parents. But I think you should tell Ross. Maybe even Richard. If he knows that you don't want your parents to know, he won't tell them. He seems really trustworthy."

Monica smiled. "He is," she said quietly.

Chandler looked at her. "You seem like you speak from experience," he said, intrigued.

"I do," Monica said simply, but she didn't say anything else and Chandler didn't press it.

"Well, then," he said, making his point. "Don't you think it will help?"

Monica sat up. Her mascara had run as a consequence of her tears but to Chandler she still looked beautiful. He couldn't let someone destroy her life. He felt protective of her, which was understandable. He wanted her to let him help.

"I... I don't know," she said breathlessly. "I've survived so far..."

Chandler interrupted her with a snort. "Survived? Depends how you define it. Your body's always been here, but what about the real you, Monica? The real you disappeared that night, and has resurfaced infrequently, albeit more often recently. He ruined your life, Mon. You didn't survive. You existed."

Monica listened to Chandler, understanding what he meant. He was right. A part of her had died that night in the quiet parking lot. Her childhood. She lost her virginity, something she wanted to give to someone who she loved and trusted. Chandler. She felt sick and disgusted with herself. She had not even thought of sleeping with Chandler, even though she loved him and cared deeply about him, yet she had been raped by someone. Someone had taken the one thing she had so desperately wanted to give to Chandler... although she hadn't known it then.

"I...I..." Monica couldn't find the right words. Chandler looked at her quizzically, not knowing what she wanted to say.

"What's wrong, Mon?" he asked gently. The words that left her mouth left him speechless and amazed. He had never expected her to say them. Not then.

"I love you, Chandler," she said simply. "And... I'm sorry."

Chandler, still in shock, took her in his arms and kissed her tenderly. "Why are you sorry?" he asked, as he pulled away.

"For acting like I didn't think you cared about me. You do care about me, you want what's best for me... for sending you away, even though I know you're leaving... for London... soon..." Monica couldn't continue, as tears spilled down her face again. Chandler reached for a tissue and gently wiped her eyes.

"Hey, hey," he said softly, kissing her cheek. "I love you, Mon. It doesn't matter where I am in this world... or in any other world... I will always love you."

"But how will I cope without you here, all the time?" she asked, her sobs breaking up her speech. Chandler couldn't reply, and just hugged her tight, not wanting to let go.

_There's no time for us,_

There's no place for us,

What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away from us?

Monica broke away. "You're right," she said. "I have to tell someone. I want to. I mean.. when you're gone... I'll need someone to talk to... I want to tell Ross," she blurted out. Chandler nodded.

"I'll go and get him," he said. "I think it'll be better if I stay outside. You should talk to him on your own."

Monica nodded, agreeing. "Chandler?" she said, as he went to fetch her brother.

He turned back. "Yes?" he said.

"I love you," she said, smiling. "I always will do... you know..."

Chandler nodded, sadly. "I know," he said. "I will, too." He didn't need to explain further, as he left her room. Monica smiled, but it was a bitter-sweet smile. She had so much to lose, and she didn't know if she could cope with losing it.

_ Who wants to live forever?_

Who wants to live forever?

There's no chance for us,

It's all decided for us,

This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us

Chandler stood silently, listening from outside. He heard the gasp from Ross, the cries from Monica, the promises from both of them. Richard stood beside him, knowing if he was much londer upstairs then they would send a search party for him from below.

"Chandler, I-"

The door opened, and Ross stood in the doorway. His face was like thunder, and Chandler was not surprised. "She wants to talk to us," he said, looking at Richard. "Is that ok?"

Richard nodded. "Tell her I'll just be a minute though," he said. "I've got to tell your mother I'm... ahh... fixing something," he said, and jogged down the stairs. Chandler looked at Ross, who looked as if he was close to tears. Before they went back into Monica's room, Ross grabbed at Chandler's shirt. Chandler thought that Ross was angry with him, but instead Ross had a look of gratitude on his face.

"Chandler... I'm so glad she found you..." Ross said, his lip quivering. "I've been such a terrible brother to her, and all this time... she was hiding that secret..."

Chandler hugged him. "It's okay, man," he said. "You didn't know." Chandler didn't really know what to say to Ross. He knew how mean Ross had been to Monica before, and he knew that if he was in Ross's shoes he would be so angry at himself. He reassured Ross a couple more times that he couldn't have known, and then they went into Monica's room.

-------

Richard couldn't believe it. His mouth opened and shut like a goldfish. Chandler had an urge to laugh, but supressed it, knowing it would be the worst thing to do. Monica seemed calmer suddenly. Ross and Chandler had both encouraged her to confide in an adult, someone who might know better what to do. Talking to Ross seemed to help Monica, as she seemed a little happier.

"Monica!" Richard exclaimed suddenly, and stood up from the chair he had been sitting on. "Mon... no, I... it's not..."

"Richard..."

"Who was it? A family friend, you say?" Richard asked, angry.

Monica looked at him, scared. "I can't tell you, Richard. I told you in trust. You can't tell anyone. I have to decide what to do myself," she said quietly.

Richard looked sad suddenly, and sat down by Monica. "Monica..." he said, tears in his eyes, as he stroked her hair. Worried that she might get the wrong idea, considering what she had been through, he hastily pulled away. Monica, sensing what he was thinking, only smiled at him.

"Richard, don't worry. I know you... I can trust you... You're like a father to me," she said sincerely. Richard smiled sadly. He'd felt like their guardian, and it broke his heart to know that the little girl he loved so much had had her childhood stolen from her. At 15... it disgusted him.

"Monica, your parents have to know..."

Chandler was surprised when she nodded. "I know," she admitted, turning to Chandler. "Chandler, you were right... they have to know. This can't carry on. What if he does it to someone else?"

Richard nodded. "He doesn't deserve to live," he growled. "If I could get my hands on him-"

"That's not what I want," Monica said gently. "He doesn't think I'll tell anyone. He thinks of me as the shy Monica I used to be. The one who wanted to sort out her own problems. But I'm not. I'm strong now, but I need help. But please, please don't rush me," she pleaded. Richard looked annoyed, but agreed. Chandler and Ross nodded.

"You have to tell them, though," Richard said. "I'm not going to force you... but they HAVE to know."

Monica nodded. "I know," she repeated. "And they will. Don't worry. Richard... you'd better go downstairs. Mom will wonder what's wrong."

"I'm going to have to go home," Richard said. "If it's one of those guys downstairs, I don't want to be in the same room as him right now. As you won't tell me, I think I'll.. take off... excuse myself..."

Monica nodded. "I understand," she said, kissing him as he leant over to kiss her cheek. "Thank you for being here, Richard."

He nodded, a tear rolling down his cheek. He turned to Chandler. "You're good for her, son," he said honestly. Chandler smiled at the compliment, and Ross nodded to Richard as he left the room.

-------

Monica lay in Chandler's arms. Neither of them were moving, except for Chandler stroking her arm. They often just lay together, happy to spend time together. A couple of hours had passed since Richard had left, and after an hour, Ross had left too, to do some homework. Monica promised that she would tell her parents. Now she just had to work up the courage.

"Do you parents know I'm still here?" Chandler asked her, as he looked at his watch. It was 10.30. He wasn't worried about getting home himself, but he worried that Judy might care.

"Yeah, they must do. They are surprisingly lax on boyfriends and stuff," she said. "They know I'm not... that kind of girl... they don't like to interfere, which is weird."

"What do you mean, "that kind of girl?" he asked, sitting up.

Monica looked at him. "They know I'm not going to do anything stupid," she said simply. Chandler, contented with the answer, laid back and Monica rested her head on his chest again.

"I can't believe you're going," she said quietly, feeling tears welling up again. "I'll never see you."

Chandler desperately wanted to contradict her, promise that they would always see each other, but he knew he couldn't promise that. He knew that it would be difficult, being so far away from each other. They even had an ocean inbetween them. He smiled, remembering that familiar song that he had used to laugh at. It was a favourite of his mothers.

"Oceans apart, day after day, and I slowly go insane," he crooned. Monica smiled to herself.

"You're singing?" she asked incredulously. "I've never heard you sing before."

Chandler smiled. "I hear your voice on the line, but it doesn't stop the pain," he continued, before belting into "Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here...waiting," he finished, adding a dramatic ending to it, trying to make it humourous, but it wasn't funny to Monica.

"Will you?" she asked seriously, turning round and staring into Chandler's eyes.

"I'll always wait for you, Monica," he said truthfully.

She nodded, gulping.

_Who dares to love forever,_

When love must die.

"Our love won't die, will it?" she asked.

Chandler sat up a little. "Of course not," he said, stroking her hair lovingly. "Let's just enjoy what we've got left... Monica, if it's meant to be, which I'm sure it is, then we will be together eventually."

Monica nodded again, amazed at how wise Chandler sounded. Just as she was settling down again, she felt herself jolt down, as Chandler had grabbed a pillow from behind her and, before she had time to move, was pummelling her with it.

"What the-" she began, but couldn't continue, as Chandler grinned evilly, and flipped her over. He lay by her side, stroking her cheek. She grinned. He was so sweet.

"You're not gonna win," she whispered, before sitting up and hitting him with another pillow. He laughed, and another pillow fight ensued, making both of them forget the pain that Monica was going though.

-----

At midnight, Monica watched from her window as Chandler left. He walked down the front path, stopping to turn and blow Monica a kiss. She waved her fingers at him, mouthing "I love you." He returned it, she smiled, and drew the curtains.

He couldn't leave, she thought sadly, as she looked at a photo of them. She wouldn't be able to live without him. It sounded dramatic but it was true in this case. He cheered her up. If it wasn't for him, she wouldn't have got through the last year.

She climbed into bed, turning off her bedroom light, listening to her parents guests leaving the house. She frowned as she heard a voice she recognised, wishing her parents a good night. "Tell Monica I said goodnight," she heard him say. Disgusted, she turned over, and attempted to sleep, but thoughts of Chandler leaving her danced through her mind. She gave up, and went to sit at her desk, and tried to revise for upcoming exams. She didn't feel she could go on. She needed him. But she believed him.. they were meant to be together. Nothing could stop them. Eventually.

_But touch my tears with your lips,_

Touch my world with your fingertips,

And we can have forever,

And we can love forever,

Forever is our today,

Who wants to live forever?

Who wants to live forever?

Forever is our today,

Who waits forever anyway?

-------

_** Well! If that wasn't long enough, I don't know what to do. Jeez, my fingers are killing me. I hope this wasn't such a cliffhanger. For those of you who love this story, don't worry, it's nowhere near over. I love this story too now. How do you feel about 50 chapters? Lol. Maybe not! Please read and review. xXx**_


	12. These are the Days of our Lives

**Chapter 12: These are the Days of our Lives**

_ Woo! Thanks for the great reviews! Do you really seriously think I can write 100 chapters? You'll be lucky if you get 10! Oh... wait.... _

--------

** One Year Later **

Monica smiled sadly to herself as she was enveloped in a tight hug from her mother. Six years. It wasn't much, but it was enough. Six years away from other people, and he would be on the sex offenders register for life. Her parents couldn't apologise enough. But she still wasn't completely happy.

Why hadn't he been there to see what she had accomplished?

-----

"Two new messages?" he muttered to himself, flopping down on the sofa. Tired, he pressed the play button. He'd had a tiring day, and he needed to rest.

"Message One. Received at two-thirty-three pm." Chandler checked his watch. Nearly seven. His eyes were drifting shut, but opened quickly as he heard the voice.

"Chandler? It's me.. Monica. Look, I know we haven't spoken for a while.. I guess that's my fault really, we've drifted apart. Being this far apart is killing me, Chandler. But anyway. The point. I-"

It was cut out. Chandler leapt up, wanting to know what she had wanted to say. He had been distraught when, after writing to her countless times, she had seemed to give up, and didn't return his calls or write to him much. All she seemed to say was "See you soon." He'd given up. He hadn't wanted to, but what was the point?

The next message continued. "Sorry, cut off. Chandler, I did it. I told you I was going to tell Mom.. I did. I told her, told dad... I'm sorry I haven't been contacting you much recently, but I've been so caught up in stuff. Police, wanting to talk to me, court. I had to be brave, Chandler. I found it difficult without you. But I told them. He got six years, Chandler. Six Years! I couldn't believe it. Anyway, I had better go before this phone cuts out again. I'll ring you again later."

She hung up, and Chandler grinned to himself. She hadn't forgotten about him. She'd been sorting out her own life. She had taken his advice. She'd listened to him. Maybe...

His thoughts were halted as a dark haired girl popped her head around the door. "Chandler?" she said. "I've made us some tea. You thirsty?"

Chandler looked up. He smiled weakly at the girl.

"Yeh, thanks, Emily."

-----

Monica stared at the phone. She'd promised to ring him back, but she hadn't. Her mother, in her own wisdom, had held a celebration party, and Monica had completely forgotten about Chandler, and her promise to phone him back. Only when she had woken up did she remember her promise from the day before.

10am. What time would it be in London now? She screwed up her face, trying to think. Plus five hours... it would be 15... 24 hour clock... three o'clock, she decided on. A perfect time to phone him.

Hesitantly, she dialled the number he had scrawled down for her on a piece of paper, just hours before his mother had come to collect him. He had spent his last few hours in America with Monica. For that, she was eternally grateful. He could have chosen anyone.. but he had picked her.

She didn't care that it had been a year. She still loved him. She couldn't help it. They had decided, over the phone, that it wasn't fair for them to stay totally faithful. Who knew if they would see each other again? But Monica hadn't been happy with this decision, and deep down, she knew Chandler hadn't either. Chandler had been thinking of Monica. He wanted her to have a life. But she could never forget him.

He answered on the third ring. "Hello?" he said. God, Monica thought to herself. He sounds more British by the day.

"Hey," she said quietly, toying with the phone cord.

"Monica? Hey!" he said, sounded excited. "I got your news.. I'm so happy for you, Mon."

Monica smiled. "Thanks. I'm sorry I didn't phone back last night.. there was a party, it all got very emotional. Everyone telling me how sorry they were but how happy they were that he was finally behind bars. Quite distasteful, really."

Chandler chuckled, and his voice caught as he tried to tell her how proud he was of her. But he couldn't. He breathed sharply, hearing Emily in the next room. He didn't understand what he was feeling at that minute. It had been such a long time since he had spoken to Monica, but now he had heard her voice again, he missed her just as much as he knew he would the day that he said goodbye to New York.

"Chandler," Monica said slowly. "I really miss you."

"I miss you too, Mon," he said honestly. "We'll see each other real soon, I promise."

Monica sighed. "No we won't," she said quietly. "You always say that. I always say that. We promise to meet up but we never do. Chandler, I can't live like this much longer."

Chandler didn't know what to say. It was difficult over the phone. "Well.. I ... uhh.."

"I think we should move on. Completely. My life has turned a corner. That bastard got what he deserved and he's behind bars now. And you... You're starting a new life, in England. I think... we should just..."

"Forget?" Chandler asked. "Monica... I'll never forget..."

Monica shook her head, not realising that Chandler couldn't see. "No, not forget," she said. "Just.. remember fondly, I guess. Look back every now and again, remember what we had, and move on."

Chandler paused, not sure what to tell her. He decided the truth would be best.

"Mon... I kind of have," he said, stuttering a little. "She's called Emily. She... we've kinda been... seeing each other."

There was silence on the other end. "Oh," Monica said finally.

"But..." Chandler groped for the right words. How could he tell her that what he wanted more than anything was to go back to New York, to be with her, to marry her? Why had he got with Emily? He knew that if he tried hard enough, he would be with Monica. Hell, he loved her more than he loved anyone. Emily was lovely and sweet, but she just wasn't Monica.

"I'm sorry," he said. But there was no reply. He stared dismally at the phone. Monica had hung up on him.

-----

_Sometimes I get to feeling I was back in the old days, long ago_

When we were kids when we were young 

Things seemed so perfect, you know 

The days were endless we were crazy we were young

The sun was always shining, we just lived for fun 

Sometimes it seems like lately, I just don't know 

The rest of my life's been just a show

----

Rachel stroked her friends hair, not really knowing what to say. She looked to Ross for help, but all he could do was shrug. Neither of them knew what to say to the sobbing Monica.

"Mon, he does still love you," Rachel attempted. "I know he does. I mean, if I were in his position, I might be quietly seeing someone... but it wouldn't necessarily mean anything."

Monica sniffed. "Yeh, but he never told me about her. That means he didn't want to. If it was just some fling he wouldn't mind telling me. But he kept it hidden. Don't you see?"

"I guess it makes sense," Ross began, and got a kick from Rachel.

Monica just sniffed more. "See? Even you agree." She tried to smile but failed miserably. "Isn't it an anniversary for you two or something today?"

"Yeh, 15 months," Rachel said, smiling. "Not really something most people celebrate but hey, I've kept a relationship going for over a year."

"Miracle," Ross said teasingly, ruffling her hair. Rachel squealed and Monica grinned, happy for her best friend and her boyfriend.

"Monica, I'm really sorry to have to do this, but we have dinner reservations," Ross said. Rachel grinned at him, amazed at how grown up and mature he sounded. "If you want we could stay a little longer..."

"No, no, you go," Monica said. "I'll just clear up a little and then do some work. I need to occupy myself somehow, don't I?"

Rachel smiled and stroked Monica's hair again. "You'll be fine, Mon. We love you, ok? And Chandler does too."

Monica nodded and hugged her best friend. When they left the room, Monica sighed to herself. She knew it had to happen. Why WOULDN'T Chandler have met someone? She was stupid to believe him when he said that he would always wait for her. But she couldn't blame him either. Try as she might, she couldn't just forget.

She glanced at a photo she had on her bedside cabinet. He had his arms wrapped around her, and she was staring into the camera. He said she looked wonderfully exotic in the photo, she looked almost sultry. She had laughed when he said that, but now she couldn't bear to look at the photo. They looked so happy. Angrily, she turned the photo frame around so it faced her wall, and she buried her head into her pillow.

_Those were the days of our lives, the bad things in life were so few_

Those days are all gone now but one thing is true 

When I look and I find, I still love you

----

"She obviously misses him," Judy said, stating the obvious as she chatted to Richard. "But she's trying to be strong. Our brave little girl."

Richard smiled to himself. Suddenly Monica was the "girl" wonder, and luckily Ross didn't seem to mind. Judy was trying to make up for all the times she had put Monica down, spoilt Ross over her, and Richard didn't think it would hurt too much.

"Little? She's nearly 18 isn't she?" he mused.

Judy nodded. "In a month," she confirmed.

"Eighteen, huh," Richard said. "They sure grow up fast."

Judy laughed. "I know, it's sad. They are going to leave me soon. Ross will go back to university in September, Monica will go to college I expect... and it'll just be Jack and I left."

"Oh Judy, don't think like that. Soon you'll have beautiful grandchildren," Richard teased. "You'll feel older than ever by then."

"I wonder if Ross intends to marry Rachel," Judy wondered aloud.   
"Would that be a problem?" he asked her, interested.

"No, not a problem... they seem very happy together," Judy said, smiling. "And her parents are really nice people. Quite well off too," she added in an undertone. Richard laughed heartily.

------

Chandler shut the door and leaned against it, weary from the days events. Why had Monica hung up on him? Why did it matter that he was with Emily? It had annoyed him a lot. She had suggested they forget, move on, and he had. So why was she so angry?

He shook his head, glad that Emily had finally gone, leaving him to clear his head. She practically lived at his house now. It didn't help that she got on so well with his mother. Chandler suspected that his mother was part of the reason why she was with him. She was star struck when she had met Nora. Chandler's mother had returned to writing childrens books and had made a fortune. They lived in a beautiful London townhouse and they had everything they could ever need. But Chandler still wasn't happy. Despite the fact that he was annoyed with Monica at that moment, he still missed her... still needed her.

But over the past couple of weeks he had grown closer to Emily. He had started to open up to her more, and she had turned out to be a wonderfully deep person, and not the air head that he had first thought she was. He could do a lot worse than Emily Walthom, as he had been reminded by Nora a few times.

_You can't turn back the clock you can't turn back the tide... Ain't that a shame_

I'd like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride, when life was just a game

No use in sitting and thinking on what you did 

When you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids 

Sometimes it seems like lately, I just don't know 

Better sit back and go with the flow

-------

_ Dear Chandler,_

I can't bear to talk to you on the phone anymore. I can't get across what I truly feel over the phone. I wish I could see you again, be near to you, but I know that's not going to happen. I just want you to know that I'm not angry with you. I still love you Chandler. If there was any way that it was possible, I'd wish that we could be together. But obviously that isn't what you want. I tried to tell myself that one day we'd be together again, but that just isn't going to happen anymore. You brightened up my life for that year or so that we were friends. You changed my life for the better, Chandler. I just want you to know how grateful I am. If it weren't for you, I'd still be hiding that horrible secret. I love you.

Monica.

Monica closed her eyes, and pushed the letter into the postbox. It wouldn't hurt, she reasoned with herself. He needed to know that she hadn't just given up on him. He meant more to her than anyone.

_Because these are the days of our lives _

They've flown in the swiftness of time 

These days are all gone now but some things remain

When I look and I find no change

As she turned around, she found herself buried in someones coat. She struggled free and mumbled her apologies, only to look up into a pair of kindly brown eyes. She smiled slightly.

"Hi, Richard."

------

He tried to call. He couldn't bring himself to do it. Feeling tears in his eyes for the first time in ages, he sat down heavily in the study, as Nora called it. Why were they living in England anyway? Why did fate decide it was right for him to leave New York and Monica? It made no sense. They had been so perfect together. Now he'd ruined it, and he would probably never see Monica again.

He would have to get used to it, he supposed. His heart heavy, he dialled the number, and put the phone to his ear, listening to the ringing.

_Those were the days of our lives, yeah_

The bad things in life were so few 

Those days are all gone now but one thing's still true

When I look and I find... I still love you 

--------

**_ Not much to say really... just, to let you know, next chapter will be called "Too Much Love Will Kill You." I also want to say sorry, as I know anhonestmoose has used this song in a fanfic before. I hope you don't mind? Please read and review. xXx_**


	13. Too Much Love Will Kill You

**Chapter 13: Too Much Love**

_ Oo you all seemed more shocked about Chandler and Emily than... oh never mind. And I must apologise for that terrible spelling of Waltham. I don't really know what happened there. But thanks for the reviews anyway. Keep it up! Lilian xXx (PS: Louisea, I think I might love you... :p) _

Monica felt rather small as she sipped her coffee. She had been shivering, and Richard had offered her his coat, and she almost felt lost inside the big leather jacket. She was grateful to him though. If he hadn't stopped her, offered to buy her a drink, she could be anywhere now, crying over the fact that she had lost Chandler. Chandler... the one who had promised her he would always be there for her. Whenever she needed him.

"Are you okay?" Richard asked worriedly. Monica nodded silently, putting down her mug. "Thanks... Richard," she said hesitantly. "I.. I was just going for a walk... and... I needed some fresh air, I guess..."

"A walk to the post box?" Richard asked, an eyebrow raised. Monica smiled, looking a little sheepish. "That's a new one."

"I was posting a letter to Chandler," she said, averting her gaze. "I can't tell him how I really feel over the phone... especially now he seems to have a girlfriend."

Richard looked sympathetic. "How serious is he with her though? You can't expect him to go through life without having a girlfriend Monica. If it's meant to be, he'll come back to you eventually."

"I know," she said, nodding her head. "But can I wait? That's the question."

Richard looked sadly at her. So many people doubted how much Monica really loved Chandler. They're only young, people would say. How could she know? Plus, she probably grew attached to the first man who didn't just want her for one thing. She was probably grateful that he wasn't using her. But Richard knew differently. He knew how much they meant to each other, and it hurt him to admit it. He knew it was wrong.. she was only 17... but he was growing fond of her. He wouldn't tell her ever though. It wasn't fair on her.

"If he's worth it, you can wait," he said quietly, touching her hand.

Monica looked up at her new friend, and for the first time ever, wondered whether she had the patience to wait. She knew she loved him... but did she have the faith that he would return to her? What if he stayed in England forever? She would have wasted all of that time waiting for him. She didn't know if she could risk it.

-----

There was no aspirin in the cupboard. Chandler swore loudly, banging the door shut, causing his head to hurt even more. Nora bustled into the kitchen, looking at him inquisitively.

"You're up early," she commented. "Chandler... I don't mean to pry, but... did Emily go home last night?"

Chandler put his head in his hands. "She left about a couple of hours ago," he said, not wanting to answer her question but not wanting to lie either. "She said her dad would be angry if he found out she'd..."

"OK. Don't worry, you don't have to explain," Nora said comfortingly, touching her son's shoulder. "Just... be careful, ok? I hope you know what you're doing."

Chandler groaned as she left the kitchen. He knew he'd made the biggest mistake ever. The previous night, he had rung Monica's house, wanting to talk to her, praying she would be there. He needed to tell her how much he loved her, even though he guessed they were no longer "together." He knew that Monica couldn't wait. He couldn't expect her to. He had no confirmation that he was ever going to leave England and come back to New York.

But she hadn't been in. Judy had told him she'd gone out to post a letter and she hadn't come back, even though she had been out over an hour. Judy expected that she'd met someone. And although Chandler knew that by "someone" she could mean a friend, he also knew that it could possibly be a "male" someone. Especially after their phone conversation.

So he'd rung Emily and invited her round to watch a film or something. Emily had jumped at the chance, and Chandler felt a pang of guilt as he remembered how much Emily seemed to like him... so much more than he liked her, anyway. But he _did_ like Emily. He knew that if it wasn't for Monica, he could possibly feel a lot more for her than he did. But she wasn't Monica. That did it for him.

_ I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be,_

Too many bitter tears are raining down on me,

I'm far away from home,

And I've been facing this alone,

For much too long.

Maybe if he confided in Nora. But Nora didn't approve of Chandler and Monica's long-distance relationship. She thought it was stupid, especially at their age. And she did approve of Emily. Especially as her parents were quite well-off. He knew that was a stupid reason to stay with someone, but Nora seemed to think it was a good idea.

He slammed his body into the chair, regretting everything he'd done the night before. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't been thinking of Monica the entire time- how he was almost doing it out of spite. It wasn't fair on Emily. Now she thought that she was in love. Chandler wasn't. Not with her, anyway. Being 19 was difficult. He wished he'd never left Monica.

_ I feel like no one ever told the truth to me,_

About growing up and what a struggle it would be,

In my tangled state of mind,

I've been looking back to find,   
Where I went wrong.

Emily... Emily... What did he really think of her? If he was really going to have to stay in England, could he live with her? He supposed he could. They got on well, had a similar taste in most things. But she was quite boring sometimes. She didn't have the fire that Monica had. He couldn't believe that he'd let himself get further with Emily than he'd ever even dreamt about with Monica. He'd betrayed Monica. But last night had been good. He'd enjoyed it. Which made him feel that he'd betrayed MOnica even more.

_ Too much love will kill you,_

If you can't make up your mind,

Torn between the lover,

And the love you leave behind,

You're heading for disaster,

Cos you never read the signs,

Too much love will kill you everytime.

------------

"Monica?"

Monica came down the stairs and went into the kitchen. "Hi mom," she said wearily. "Sorry I was so late last night. I ran into Richard and he bought me some coffee. I hope I didn't worry you."

Judy nodded. "OK, so long as you're safe," she said, smiling. "Chandler phoned you last night though."

Monica looked surprised. "Did he?" she asked. "I guess I'd better ring him now. Thanks mom," she said, leaving the room and going to phone Chandler. She didn't know whether it was the best idea or not, but she knew she had to talk to him.

---------

The incessant ringing angered Chandler. His head hurt enough anyway, and the shrillness of the phone drove him crazy. He answered moodily. "Hullo?" he muttered.

"Hi."

"Monica?" he said, his tone changing. "Hi... I rang you yesterday.."

"I know," she said simply. "What did you want?"

"I..." Chandler didn't know what to say. What had happened the night before changed everything. He had started to reason with himself that he must like Emily, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to. He wasn't that sort of person. But he knew that he did still love Monica. He would do anything to leave England and be with her right now. But that would mean leaving Emily...

_ I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be,_

And it seems like theres no way out of this for me,

I used to bring you sunshine,

Now all I ever do is bring you down.

"I guess what you said the other day," he began carefully, "was a good idea. But..."

Monica sat up a little. "But what?"

Chandler breathed in. "Mon, I miss you," he said, feeling himself choke up. "I miss seeing you every day, I miss being with you, I miss you. And I want... to come home."

Monica didn't really know what to say.

"But... Mon... I have to tell you something..." he said, and Monica's heart sank. "This... the girl... I really like her, Mon. I can't explain it though, cos what I feel for you is so much more strong, and I love you. I don't love Emily. But I do like her a lot, and I can't just leave her... and I wanted you to know that I still want to be with you..."

"But you can't leave Emily," she said, a little bitterly, but she felt sorry for Chandler. She believed him when he said he loved her. She loved him. So much. "I understand."

"No, you don't, Mon," he said earnestly. "I wish I could explain but I can't. I just wish I could see you again, face to face."

_ How would it be if you were standing in my shoes,_

Can't you see that it's impossible to choose?

There's no making sense of it,

Everyway I go, I'm bound to lose.

"It's okay, Chandler," Monica said soothingly, not really knowing what else to say or do. She wasn't angry with Chandler and she couldn't bear him to be angry with himself. "We knew deep down it couldn't really last. There's a whole ocean seperating us, for gods sake. Just be happy that we had what we did have," she finished sadly, looking up as her mother made a motion for her to get ready. "Chandler, I have to go. We're going to visit my Grandma. I'll talk to you later though."

Chandler breathed in. "Monica... wait... this wasn't the way I wanted this conversation to end."

"But it's the way it has to end," Monica said, feeling tears prick at her eyes. "Otherwise we just go round and round in circles, don't we? We have to know where we stand, Chandler," she whispered gently. "I will always love you though. I just hope... pray... we see each other again."

"Of course we-" Chandler stopped, as the phone in America was put down. He stared glumly at the phone. He didn't realise how a phone conversation could make him see things so much more clearer. He knew what he had to do. It would just be so difficult...

_Too much love will kill you,_

Just as sure as none at all,

It'll drain the power that's in you,

Make you plead and scream and crawl,

And the pain will make you crazy,

You're the victim of your crime,

Too much love will kill you, everytime.

...to break up with Emily...

_Too much love will kill you,_

It'll make your life a lie,

Yeah, too much love will kill you,

And you won't understand why,

You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul,

But here it comes again...

Chandler sat back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. He felt as if his heart was being pulled in two. Although he knew what he had to do, he knew it would be difficult. And there was no certainty that Monica would accept him back. Or that his mother would be happy that he was going to leave England. He felt he could possibly upset everyone he ever cared about.

_Too much love will kill you,_

In the end.

---------

**_ Hello! I'm back from my holidays. I got back to a wonderful email from a certain guitarist from a certain band called Queen- yes, you can say it can't have been him, but I reckon it was-everything he wrote in the email had a massive copyright "thing." He was very understanding, or so it seemed- I've been having a few problems lately and some Queen music does seem to help me get through it. Anyway, yeah, I've had a good few weeks, and I had to get this chapter up which I started ages ago. In later chapters I'll probably include lesser-known Queen songs- don't worry if you don't know them, it just adds to the story but they aren't necessary to read. Please review!! Lilian xXx_**


	14. Spread Your Wings

**Chapter 14: Spread Your Wings**

_ sniff I think I got four reviews for my last chapter... is it dying? Should I carry on? Please read and review. I don't own "Spread Your Wings" by Queen. xXx_

There was a sharp knock at his bedroom door. Before he had a chance to call out "Come in" his blonde mother stormed her way in anyway, her face looking like thunder.

"When were you planning on telling me?" she demanded furiously, her hands placed firmly on her hips. "Were you just going to walk off and leave us- leave me and Emily, without even a word of goodbye?"

Chandler hesitated. How had she found out? "I was going to tell you," he said truthfully, wringing his hands. "But not yet. I didn't want... this to happen. I wanted to avoid it..."

"The first I hear of it, my homosexual ex-husband phones up and asks what time your plane will be landing next week!" Nora screamed, as Chandler shrank back in fear. "How could you not tell me, Chandler? You completely embarrassed me. I had to pretend I knew all about it though it was quite clear I didn't. What kind of idiot is he going to think I am?"

Chandler shrugged. "Why does it matter? I'm sorry I didn't tell you, ok? But mom, I can't stay here. Dad's offered to let me crash with him until I've sorted out a place to live... with the money I got from working last year I can start some kind of fund... "

"Is this because of Monica?" Nora asked, calming down slightly, but Chandler could tell she was still mad.

"Yes," he admitted. "But not just that. I don't fit in here, with your extravagant lifestyle... your countless "male companions"... your "tea parties," for christs sake. You're not the person you once were, and I can't cope with it anymore Mom. I have to be with people I know. And, quite frankly, since you became a best-selling author, I don't know you."

Chandler knew he'd hurt her, but for once he didn't care. Leaving her to stand, mouth wide open, staring at him, he left the room and jogged down the stairs and into the kitchen. It was times like these that alcohol seemed to be the only option.

_Spread your wings and fly away_

Fly away, far away

Spread your little wings and fly away

Fly away, far away

Pull yourself together

'Cos you know you should do better

That's because you're a free man

------

Telling Emily would be hardest. He breathed in, thankful for that second that he had some Dutch courage in him, and reached for the doorbell. Pressing it once, gently, he found that being nervous and shy was not the answer, and especially not while pressing the doorbell either. It didn't work. It wouldn't work with Emily. He knew he'd have to be gentle, but he couldn't hold back. He had to tell her the truth.

Pressing the doorbell again, harder, he found it worked, and he waited patiently until Emily's mother answered the door. She seemed surprised to see Chandler.

"Was Emily expecting you, dear?" she asked, letting him in. Chandler shook his head sadly. He liked Emily's mother, and it was a shame that in a few minutes she would probably hate him.

"I need to talk to her," he said. "Is she in?"

Emily's mother nodded and pointed up the stairs. "She's been in there for a while," she said. "I think she's upset about something."

Chandler groaned. He hoped it wouldn't stop him from telling her what he had to. Wearily, he climbed the stairs. This could prove to be a lot more difficult than he originally hoped.

_He spends his evenings alone in his hotel room_

Keeping his thoughts to himself, he'd be leaving soon

Wishing he was miles and miles away

Nothing in this world, nothing would make him stay

"Emily?" he asked hesitantly. "It's me."

The door opened, and he sighed with relief when he saw that she seemed relatively happy. His heart sank when he realised that he would be the one who would destroy this happiness. Probably.

"Chandler!" she said, smiling. She put her arms round his neck and kissed him on the lips. He felt drawn into the kiss, but then stopped it abruptly. He felt almost like he was cheating on Monica.

Emily looked a little confused. "Something wrong?" she asked, sitting on her bed, and motioning for him to sit with her. "You seem upset."

Chandler breathed in. Here it goes, he thought, suddenly wondering whether the alcohol he had drunk would really help him or prove to ruin it.

_Since he was small_

Had no luck at all

Nothing came easy to him

Now it was time

He'd made up his mind

"This could be my last chance"

"You've heard me talk about Monica, right?" he said cautiously, not wanting to lie to her about the reason why he was moving away. He had to be completely honest with her.

"Yeah," Emily said, not sure where the conversation was going but knowing she wouldn't like it.

Chandler looked at her miserably. It was now or never. Now seemed good. "Oh Em," he sighed, sitting beside her and putting his arm round her. "Emily... I have to go back to New York."

"Uh-huh," Emily said, and Chandler could tell she was trying hard not to cry. She pulled away from his hug. "To be with her?"

Chandler nodded sadly. "I'm sorry, Em," he said sadly. "I really am. You're such a great girl... you don't deserve someone like me... someone who is in love with someone else."

Emily looked angry suddenly. "You've been in love with her, since you left? You never loved me?" she asked.

"I thought I'd got over her," he said honestly. "I thought I loved you. Turns out, I didn't." He hated to be brutal, but in his mind there was no other way.

There was a shocked, angry silence. Chandler felt more uncomfortable than ever. Emily was staring at her pillow, her face turned away from him, and Chandler could tell she was crying.

"Right.." she eventually said, still not looking at him. She then said something else, but Chandler couldn't hear her, it was so quiet.

"I'm sorry?" he asked.

"I think you should go," Emily said, still quietly but audibly this time. "I hope... I hope you get to New York safely."

Chandler was surprised. It could have been worse, he supposed. "Okay then..." he said. "Em, I'm really, truly sorry..."

"I don't care," she said angrily, turning slightly. "I don't care how sorry you feel, okay? I love you, Chandler. And do you know how much of a fool I feel right now? You obviously never loved me, probably never even liked me that much, and I loved you? I'm so... so stupid..."

"No, Emily, you're not," Chandler said, feeling like the worst guy in the world. "I'm the stupid one, for not realising how wonderful you are... it was bad circumstances..."

"You're telling me," Emily spat. "See yourself out."

Chandler stood up abruptly. Realising that it was pointless to even try to make her understand, he left the room quietly.

-------

"Mom?" Chandler said hesitantly.

Nora looked away. "You'd better go through security now," she said. Chandler sighed. He was amazed that she'd even given him a lift to the airport. He guessed it was too much to expect her to be happy for him.

"I'm gonna miss you, Mom," he said. "I'll come and visit, I promise."

Nora turned back to her son and smiled sadly at him. "I'm sure you will," she said, touching his cheek gently. "Just... don't forget your old mom, okay?"

Chandler grinned. "I love you Mom," he said, burying his face into her neck as he hugged her. He felt her crying, and knew he should leave before he was persuaded to stay behind. It was possible.

"Go get on that plane," Nora said, choking a little. "Monica doesn't know how lucky she is. Have you phoned her?"

"No. I'm going to surprise her," he said, smiling. He turned, missing the look on his mothers face. One of panic, and worry. What if...?

-------

"Jack?" Judy said as the couple sat in the living room, enjoying a peaceful evening. "Where's Monica?"

"Jack shrugged. "How should I know? She said she was going out for a couple of hours. She'll be back soon."

Judy nodded, a little curious, but let herself forget as she was drawn back into the book she was reading.

-------

"Wow," Monica said, covering her mouth in surprise. "Richard, it's beautiful!"

Richard smiled. He had just shown Monica into his new appartment. Already beautifully furnished, Monica straight away felt right at home in this "grown-ups" home. She exclaimed at the leather sofa.

"You like it?" he asked, standing behind her.

Monica turned round, her face saying it all. "I love it, Richard," she said, smiling. The two of them had grown close during the past few months, and now Monica regarded Richard as her best friend, despite the major age-difference and the fact that she was barely eighteen. And especially since Chandler had left. Monica had felt lonely. Rachel and Ross had grown closer and, although she still thought of Rachel as a good friend, she knew the real reason why she came to the Geller household most of the time.

"So... what was it you were wanting?" Richard asked, wandering into the kitchen, presuming she would like a cup of coffee. "Help with science again?"

Monica blushed. "Ross... doesn't seem to have much time for me... now that Rachel's always around. I mean, sure, he would help if I asked, but I don't like to intrude..." she stopped, realising. "Oh my god, Richard, I'm not intruding on you, am I? I just thought..."

"Of course not," he said, coming out of the kitchen after putting the kettle on. "It's nice to have some pleasant female company for a change. An intelligent conversation with someone other than my old friends."

Monica smiled. "You're not that old, Richard," she said.

"Please. I'm old enough to be your father," he said, sitting down on the couch. Monica hesitated.

"You don't look it," she said honestly, sitting beside him. "In fact..."

Richard looked at her, puzzled. "In fact what? What is this, flatter Richard day? I'm very honoured, you know," he said, smiling slightly.

"In fact..." Monica continued. "You don't look anything like as old as my father."

Richard looked at her sidewards, as the kettle popped. "Hang on a minute, Monica," he said, not wanting to leave a conversation that looked so promising, but knowing he had to think. As he got up, he shook his head. What WAS he thinking? She was barely 18, and yet he felt so drawn to her...his best friends daughter, for gods sake...

Monica buried her head in a cushion as Richard went to prepare the drinks. What was she thinking? She stood up, knowing she should really excuse herself. She had been too obvious.

"Richard... I think I should go," she said, just loud enough for him to hear. He came out the kitchen, carrying two mugs.

"Why?" he asked simply. "Didn't you say you wanted some help?"

Monica looked confused. "Yeah... but... I should really..."

Richard put the two cups down, and for some reason all Monica cared about at that moment was the fact that the mugs weren't on coasters. That was going to leave a stain. She turned to tell him, but he was closer to her... not unbearably close... a decent distance away... what was he doing?

"Monica, look," Richard said, sitting down, and half-pulling Monica down too. "I think that-"

He was interrupted as Monica moved closer to him, not really sure what she was doing. She didn't know herself. All she knew was that at that moment she needed some form of comfort... she needed someone to hold her, to tell her that everything would be alright.

Before either of them knew what was happening, his hands were in her hair and their lips were pressed together. Monica was still confused. What did she want? Why did she want this? It was nice... it was good... it was Richard. It felt right.

But God, she missed Chandler.

------

_**Sorry if this was ever-so-slightly confusing. Needed to get it out of the way. I didn't enjoy writing this one- I'm not a Monica-Richard kinda girl, but if I'm to finish this fanfic, then it is an important part of the story. So. Should I carry on? I'd like to get ten responses but I know that's a bit too much to expect, so shall we say five? Although I'd really like ten... go on... review! Please!! Lilian xXx**_


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